Posted on December 30, 2017
Pigs for Choice, Barkley’s bull, quotables, etc.
* Barack Obama is famous for rebutting arguments that nobody has ever made in the first place, but liberals have been doing that since long before he came onto the scene. Take, for example, the argument so often given in opposition to capital punishment, that killing the murderer is not going to bring his victims back. Have you ever in your life heard anyone suggest that it would?
* In response to the recent tidal wave of sexual misconduct accusations, both houses of Congress have passed mandatory training classes to guard against sexual harassment. Does anybody believe that the problem is inadequate training? Who doesn’t already know, for example, that it’s wrong to expose oneself to a subordinate in the workplace? Presuming to teach that only gives cover to the offenders by allowing them to plead ignorance, which is surely its whole purpose.
* Even the most frivolous accusation of sexual misconduct against any public figure over the past few months has been infinitely more credible and serious than anything Anita Hill ever accused Clarence Thomas of doing. He’s not holding his breath waiting for any apologies, though, especially not from whatever nincompoop awkwardly crammed that dishonest line about him into the script of Jerry Maguire.
* As these scandals continue to ravage the news and pop media, expect the treatment of the accusers to become more and more cynical over time. As it becomes more apparent that the vast majority of the alleged offenders are very, very liberal men, news producers and editors will make the judgment that enough of them have been sacrificed already. At some point, they will pivot from the position that everything a female accuser says deserves to be believed, to trashing anyone who comes forward as a slut and a loony. They’ve done it before.
* On the other hand, it is unsettling that somebody’s reputation can be destroyed by an unverifiable accusation from three decades ago. The immediately guilty reactions of Kevin Spacey and Dustin Hoffman will inevitably lead to the unjust sliming of someone who maintains his innocence. Having allegedly leaned against somebody in a suspicious manner 35 years ago might now deprive a man of his career, even if it’s not indicative of a lifelong habit, as it evidently is in the cases of those two.
* And yet, when Bill Clinton was president, feminist leader Gloria Steinem devised what has ever since been lampooned as the “one free grope” rule, meaning that it didn’t matter how and where he touched Kathleen Willey, just as long as he stopped when she said no. So anything before “no” is fair game, then? That leaves a wide-open window of opportunity for any experienced sleaze.
* You’d think that someone who was found to have committed sexual indiscretions would make some effort to appear non-creepy in public, but have you seen David Letterman lately? He looks like he ought to be the subject of a class-action restraining order, forbidding him from coming into contact with any women, children, pets or other living things, just on general principle.
* More people would believe Bill Cosby if he went into court with a clean shave and wearing a suit. It’s not true that justice is blind. Justice is made up of people, who are understandably suspicious of someone who appears before them in his “dirty old man” ensemble, and with hobo scruff.
* If you ever want to not be believed, just say that you “categorically deny” something. It makes the speaker sound thoughtless about the particular matter being discussed, in the same vein as Professor Wagstaff’s “Whatever it is, I’m against it” number. See all that stuff listed under Column H? I deny that, categorically! Got anything else for me to deny?
* Perhaps the most shocking news that has arisen from this trend is that Garrison Keillor was fired for allegedly improper sexual behavior. I mean, who knew he was employed? Or at least that he had a show on NPR, which is the next closest thing?
* In the past, liberals have typically gotten away with the same kinds of sex scandals that have destroyed conservatives. The justification for this has been that the greater offense is those conservatives’ hypocrisy for claiming to be defenders of family values. Now that we’re seeing a rash of scandals involving the abuse of and disrespect for women, and most of the defendants are liberals, you’d think the hypocrisy charge would be integral to the reporting, but it’s not.
* That’s because everyone knows that respect for women really isn’t characteristic of liberal men. If it were, these men’s behavior would’ve shocked the other liberals around them, but in most cases feminist women knew what was going on and did nothing. Katie Couric and Meredith Viera had experienced Matt Lauer’s piggishness firsthand, and they don’t seem to have been surprised or offended by it.
* We probably don’t want to know what incident triggered Lauer’s jihad against then-co-anchor Ann Curry, but don’t blame her if she quietly celebrates his fall – or even if she not-so-quietly holds a Matt Lauer firing party and posts it on YouTube.
* The big giveaway is that feminists are perfectly aware that men who advocate abortion do so for the protection of their own scumbucketry, a fact that on these pages has gotten them nicknamed the Pigs for Choice Club. It has also blunted feminist opposition to pornographers like Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt over the years. No man who respects women, or even likes them, would ever want a woman to have an abortion – which is precisely why feminists don’t like men who respect women. Abortion is the one issue on which men who hate women and women who hate men find themselves in perfect harmony, and their devotion to the cause will always override their visceral aversion to each other.
* No wonder comedy is dead, when the liberals who dominate the entertainment business consider people like Al Franken and Garrison Keillor to be “humorists,” as if there were some formula by which X times the square root of pi = funny. If humor had a Mendoza line, Franken would be Rafael Belliard, and Keillor has probably eaten sardine sandwiches that were funnier than he is.
* If there’s anyone unfunnier than John Stewart, it’s his successor on The Daily Show, Trevor Noah. Because the South African-born Noah never says anything funny, it begs the question whether the only reason liberals laugh at him is his funny accent – and if it is, does that make them racists?
* It’s not that liberals are never funny; it’s just that they are seldom intentionally so. A couple months ago, a group of them held an anti-Trump protest they called, “Scream Helplessly at the Sky,” at which they did exactly that. The only thing sillier is that they probably learned to do that in college.
* When a despotic government nationalizes property, we easily recognize it as theft. So why is it so different for our own federal government to assume ownership of vast areas of property in our Western states? Part of the answer is the way it’s reported. President Trump takes the commendable but modest step of reducing the size of two of these territorial seizures, and we’re told that he’s “stripped protection” from “national monuments.”
* Calling the theft of property “protection” has got to be among the five most obscene liberal euphemisms of all time, but an even more egregious assault on the truth is the characterization of these territories as “monuments.” A monument is a structure that has been erected in commemoration of something. How does that apply to tens of thousands of square acres of land in the middle of Utah?
* Is there any chance that the outrage over that kind of land seizure has taught President Trump a lesson about the abuse of eminent domain? Probably not.
* Never mind why Charles Barkley was criticizing the Trump tax cuts on Inside the NBA. We all know by now that sports programming is just another platform for left-wing political advocacy, so the topic’s irrelevance to pro basketball is beside the point. In order to pretend to be a good liberal, Barkley has had to consciously forget things he seemed to know back when he was pretending to be a conservative. About the tax cuts, he said, “They say it’s gonna trickle down. I’m gonna trickle my fat [posterior] down to the jewelry store and get me a new Rolex.” First of all, “trickle-down economics” is a liberal propaganda point. Ronald Reagan never called it that, nor does anyone else who understands how it works. Furthermore, does Barkley think he’s living in an economic vacuum? When he buys a Rolex, does that not help the people who make, ship and sell the Rolex?
* One difference between the mostly identical 1990 and 1993 tax increases was that the ’93 version repealed the “luxury tax” that had been part of the ’90 bill, because it was hurting the people who produce the so-called luxury items. Barkley used to be able to explain things like that to people, before making a conscious decision to become ignorant of them.
* Barkley once had designs on running for governor of Alabama as a Republican, apparently thinking the party would support him, just because he’d golfed with Dan Quayle. After the Alabama Republicans refused to endorse him, he switched parties, and immediately went from talking like Steve Forbes to talking like Michael Moore. There’s no way that can be an honest conversion. Barkley is simply an opportunist, who was never really a conservative, and is probably not now a liberal, either.
* Since switching to Democrat, Barkley has saved most of his invective for conservative Christians, whom he probably blames for blocking his path to the nomination, and correctly so. Not only did they oppose him because he’s always been pro-abortion, but he’s surely found them to be far too judgmental about things like spitting on children, and throwing people through plate glass windows. What a bunch of squares.
* One of the most vivid examples of media and academic liberal bias is the way that unremarkable Democrat political rhetoric is treated as if it were imparting the wisdom of Yoda. When FDR said, “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” that had nothing to do with the war. It was from the first paragraph of his first inaugural address, and was meant to discourage any scrutiny of his domestic agenda. When JFK said, “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country,” he was talking about the Peace Corps. There’s no reason we should even remember these quotes, let alone assume there was anything heroic about them.
* Most absurdly, in the movie Miracle, USA Olympic hockey coach Herb Brooks ruminates over the task that lies ahead while listening to Jimmy Carter’s “crisis of confidence” speech. Are we meant to believe it inspired him to victory?
* Thankfully, the oratorical skills of our past two Democrat presidents have been dramatically overrated, otherwise, we’d be having their most mundane quotes stuck in our faces on a daily basis. The fact that Obama’s most famous quote is “If you like your health care plan, you can keep your health care plan,” and Clinton’s is, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky,” does not give the revisionists a lot to work with.
* Clinton had other classic quotes, of course. You could almost make one of those old K-Tel record commercials out of them. “Kiss it” comes to mind, as well as, “Don’t worry, I’m sterile,” and who could forget the timeless classic “You know I don’t like small-breasted women.” And many, many more.
* Last month, Turner Classic Movies dedicated a great deal of time to discussing the “blacklist era,” and highlighting movies that featured actors, directors and writers who had been blacklisted. Have you ever noticed that, for all the condemnation we ever hear of the “Red Scare,” the entertainment industry never really explains it to the public in an accurate and understandable way? These are people whose profession is storytelling, so why is it still so widely believed that there was literally a list of hundreds of people that studios were forbidden from hiring? Why do people think the alleged victims were jailed for their political beliefs, that the careers of all those who were “blacklisted” were basically destroyed, that most of them were falsely accused in the first place, and that Joseph McCarthy, a freshman senator, chaired the House Un-American Activities Committee? The answer is that these are the very things they want us to believe, and that telling us the truth is not in the storytellers’ interest.
* Believe it or not, one of the Commiest movies ever made is 1948’s aptly titled Red River, starring John Wayne, although it would be a lot more obvious if director Howard Hawks hadn’t changed the ending. In it, the Duke leads a daring cattle drive with a team of cowhands who have voluntarily signed an agreement to see the job through, but when they break their word, he’s the bad guy. They stage a mutiny and take his cattle from him, at which point one of them says, “This herd don’t belong to you,” which of course it does. “It belongs to every poor hopin’ and prayin’ cattleman in the whole wide state.” In the movie, Wayne catches up with them in the end, and after a corny resolution, he basically gets his property back. As originally written, the trail hands kill him and sell the cattle, dividing the profits among themselves. The story might as well have been subtitled, “The workers control the means of production.”
* Liberals generally don’t like Westerns, and don’t often watch them; otherwise someone would have remade Red River by now, with its original Bolshevik ending. If you have any trouble believing that, you haven’t yet attempted to watch the alleged remake of The Magnificent Seven.
* Joe McCarthy lives in infamy for being overzealous in trying to root out the Soviet agents in the executive branch of our government. Yet somehow, it’s now perfectly okay to demand endless hearings and investigations with the aim of charging your political opponents with the ill-defined offense of “collusion” with Russia.
* In 2012, when Mitt Romney identified Russia as our number one geopolitical foe, Barack Obama said, “The 1980s are now calling to ask for their foreign poli-suh back.” Had Romney retorted with the George Costanza “jerk store” line, he would have won the election.
The Shinbone: The Frontier of the Free Press