Posted on November
30, 2020
Fuller, For What?
Vandy kicking stunt accomplishes nothing
by
Daniel
Clark
In 1951, the St. Louis Browns were the worst team in
Major League Baseball, as usual. Team
owner Bill Veeck, who was far better at creating
publicity than on-field success, hired a midget named Eddie Gaedel
to play for his team. It was obvious to
everybody that the 3-foot-7 Gaedel could not
legitimately compete for a spot on the roster, but there he was, pinch-hitting
in a big league game. After walking on
four pitches, he was pulled for a pinch-runner, thus ending his brief,
professional athletic career.
The
rest of the baseball world did not celebrate Gaedel’s
historic moment. American League
president Will Harridge lambasted Veeck
for the stunt, and voided Gaedel’s contract. Major League Baseball even briefly expunged Gaedel from its records.
Baseball historians recognize the move for what it was, a desperate plea
for attention by a team nobody wanted to watch.
A similar thing happened this past weekend, when the
Vanderbilt University football team sent Sarah Fuller onto the field to kick
off at the start of the second half. The
Commodores, who hare having a dismal year even by their standards, thus became
the focus of national media attention during a 41-0 blowout loss to Missouri
that would otherwise have gone ignored.
Fuller, the goalie for the Vanderbilt women’s soccer
team, is not really the first woman to kick in a Division I-A college football
game. The “historic” nature of her
appearance was that she was the first to kick in a “power five” or major
conference game, which is a weak distinction.
In 2002, Katie Hnida attempted an extra point
for New Mexico against UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl, which puts it on a bigger
stage than a regular season Vandy-Mizzou game. Nevertheless, anyone who questions the
historic significance of Fuller’s feat, let alone the legitimacy of her
addition to the roster, has been deemed a cad.
Public reaction to Fuller’s appearance isn’t the only
way it differs from Gaedel’s. At least Gaedel produced
a positive result for his team. Fuller was
not even asked to attempt a successful kickoff, but instead squib-kicked, giving
Missouri excellent starting field position at its 35-yard-line. The squib-kick is perhaps the most cowardly
play call in football, by which the coach concedes a large chunk of yardage
rather than risk a long kick return.
Using that tactic in this case was a clear signal that Fuller lacked the
leg strength to make a conventional kickoff worthwhile.
Furthermore, had there been a return, she would have
been expected to become a part of the coverage team, which might have exposed
the folly of encouraging a woman to participate in a violent men’s sport. Instead, she simply jogged to the sideline as
her teammates took off downfield.
Loathe
as the liberal sports media are to admit it, men and women are different. Sometimes the differences don’t mater, but
other times they do. When Danica Patrick
was asked how she could compete with men in auto racing, she said “the car don’t
know the difference,” and she was right.
The football, however, knows the difference. The football knows whether it has been kicked
by a man or a woman.
When Katie Hnida attempted
her bowl game extra point, it was probably accurate enough, but it got blocked
because the kick was so weak it looked as if it had been pitched toward the
goal post with a snow shovel. Any
college kicker who has earned his roster spot makes extra points look easy, because
he can forcefully punch the ball over the onrushing linemen before they have a
chance to get to it.
A soccer goalie typically has the strongest leg on the
team. Fuller is probably impressive when
taking a goal kick in a women’s soccer match.
On the football field, she did not even impress her own coaches enough
for them to let her kick the ball in the air.
She looked more like a spectator who had been randomly selected to
participate in a halftime contest. Under
different circumstances, her 30-yard bouncer might have won her a gift certificate
to Bojangles, but it was not about to help the
Vanderbilt Commodores win a football game.
Nor was that ever its purpose.
After basking in praise for its supposedly historic
accomplishment for almost a day, Vanderbilt University fired head coach Derek
Mason, who finished his seventh consecutive losing season with a career record
of 27-55. All of a sudden, qualifications
and results matter, at least for some of us.
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