Posted on March 31, 2026
Twain Wreck
Who wants govt-approved humor, anyway?
by
Daniel Clark
If only DOGE
had been worthwhile, President Trump would not have to ask why the Kennedy
Center for the Performing Arts is giving Bill Maher its Mark Twain Prize for
American Humor, because that superfluous endeavor would have been privatized.
The selection of Maher is
controversial not just because the HBO talk show host is about as funny as a
soggy bowl of bran flakes, but because he has in the past said very critical things
about the man who is now President of the United States. When it was first reported that he would
receive the prize, tiresome White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt stated
with her usual overemphasis, "This is fake news! Bill Maher will not be getting
this award." She had more reason to
believe her own words than usual on this occasion, but they turned out not to
be so.
The Twain
Prize honoree is chosen by the Kennedy Center Board of Trustees, which
President Trump stacked with his own appointees last year. The new trustees include Trump himself, Second
Lady Usha Vance, White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles, Attorney General Pam
Bondi, Allison Lutnick, the wife of Secretary of Commerce Howard Lutnick, and
Fox News personalities Laura Ingraham and Maria Bartiromo. In December, the board voted to rename the
Kennedy Center the "Trump-Kennedy Center," even though, being a memorial
designated in Kennedy's name by an act of Congress, it cannot legally be
changed except by another congressional vote.
The fact that the same board that committed such an affront would make a
decision in defiance of the president's wishes is more than a little baffling.
The
questions of which board members disappointed Trump and what he intends to do
about it might make for interesting podcast fodder, but the greater mystery is
why it is considered an honor to produce government-approved humor in the first
place. Indeed, it is difficult to think
of anything unmarktwainier. If that isn't clear enough, just consider
this sampling of what Twain, a Republican, had to say about one of his own
party's presidents, Theodore Roosevelt:
"He is
naively indifferent to the restraints of duty and even unaware of them; ready
to kick the Constitution into the back yard whenever it gets in the way."
"We have
never had a president before who was destitute of self-respect and of respect
for his high office; we have had no president before who was not a gentleman."
"The list of unpresidential things,
things hitherto deemed impossible, wholly impossible, measurably impossible for
a president of the United States to do -- is much too long for invoicing here."
Not a fan,
as our current president would say. Of
course, Teddy wasn't the only target for Twain, who was a relentless critic of
bureaucracy and corruption. "Politicians
and diapers must be changed often," he wrote, "and for the same reasons." To use this man's name, or at least his
pseudonym, to confer governmental validation upon social commentators is like
watering the flowers on his grave with recycled beer.
Want to
know what government-approved humor looks like?
Try watching those "The Vax Scene" bits that Late Show host
Stephen Colbert did during the Covid lockdown, with the dancing cartoon
syringes singing demands that you go get a shot. In the grand finale, they were joined by live
dancers in syringe costumes, dancing to the song, "Tequila," except that they
lazily replaced the word "tequila" with "vaccine." What was supposed to be the punch line,
exactly? Obey the capricious edicts of
your superiors? That's about as funny as
losing your job because you wouldn't consent to injecting an experimental
substance with unknown side effects into your veins.
We can be
pretty sure Trump will not let the process escape his control from now on. If Kid Rock has ever told a knock-knock joke
in his life, he will probably be next year's recipient. After that, there's bound to a competition
among bad comedian guests on Gutfeld, which will produce witticisms
like, "What's up? Trump's IQ, his net
worth, and his approval rating! Get it?"
Perhaps
then, the Mark Twain Prize could be eliminated as a bureaucratic redundancy,
because it would amount to the government giving an award to itself, which is
something it already does. Just ask President
Trump, who was recently presented with the America First Award, which the
Mister Smitherses who comprise today's Republican party
had just invented eleven minutes earlier.
Come to
think of it, that's a lot funnier than anything Bill Maher has ever said.
The Shinbone: The
Frontier of the Free Press