Posted on February
21, 2019
Trigger Test
Are you a liberal, or do you have
self-control?
by
Daniel
Clark
We’d always known that liberals are people whose
capacity for self-control had atrophied after extended periods of non-use. Now, we’ve got that from no less an authority
than themselves. “Trigger warnings” have
become a common feature on college campuses and in liberal chat rooms,
cautioning the emotionally frail that they are at risk of a negative
reaction being triggered by something hurtful, like a political opinion with
which they disagree. Over time, the term
has morphed to mean that the things being “triggered” are liberals themselves,
who recognize that they are incapable of exercising self-control, and are therefore
not responsible for their own reactions to those things that offend them.
One
recent example of this was seen on CNN, after that network deliberately
misreported an incident between a group of Catholic high school students and a
hodgepodge of irrationally hostile (and presumably “triggered”) liberal
activists. In an appearance on Cuomo’s Prime Time, commentator Angela
Rye libsplained to host Chris Cuomo that one
particular student who was singled out for confrontation must be at fault
regardless of what really happened, because he was wearing a red Donald Trump
“MAGA” hat. “Just think about that
symbol of that red hat,” she said. “When
I see the Make America Great Again hat now Chris, I am triggered. I am so triggered.” She proceeded to liken the hat to a
Klansman’s hood, which of course is preposterous. But hey, she was “triggered.” Therefore, she is not responsible for her own
behavior. Somebody else’s hat is.
Not every emotional reaction is a trigger. If you can rationally explain why your
reaction is justified, then you have not been triggered, and are not a
liberal. Triggers, being a product of a
philosophy of self-absorption, are self-validating in a liberal’s own mind. Rye knows her hostility toward the student is
morally justified, for the very reason that she feels hostile. Moreover, once she has granted her emotional
reactions the presumption of infallibility, there is no need to control them,
and certainly not to suppress them when they are unsupported by reality.
That being the case, you might find it helpful to know
if you are a liberal, or if instead you have a social obligation to regulate
your own behavior. To that end, here is
a brief quiz, which will let you know whether or not you’re susceptible to
being triggered:
* Which do you think is more disrespectful to American
Indians?: (a) a few teenagers doing the
Tomahawk Chop; or (b) a cantankerous boob who runs around angrily beating a
drum in people’s faces, while purporting to represent American Indians?
* Which of the following is an expression of hatred?:
(a) a group of Trumpies shouting “Build the wall!”;
or (b) a gathering of self-described “immigrant activists” chanting, “No
border, no wall, no USA at all!”
* Does President Trump make you madder when he: (a)
lies; or (b) eats a cheeseburger?
* Which would you more likely describe as immoral?:
(a) dismembering and killing a baby in the womb; or (b) preventing people from
illegally entering our country.
* When somebody like Jussie Smollett perpetrates a
“hate crime” hoax, is he: (a) fomenting genuine hatred; or (b) performing a
valuable public service by “raising awareness”?
* Is a person’s sex determined by: (a) chromosomes; or
(b) feelings?
* Are more armed criminals thwarted by: (a)
law-abiding citizens with guns; or (b) gun buy-back programs?
* Which document should serve as a foundation for
public policy?: (a) the Constitution of the United States; or (b) a
viral image of a sad-looking polar bear on the internet.
* Which planet is uninhabitable?: (a) Mars; or (b) Our
“fragile” Earth.
* Are football players who kneel during The Star-Spangled Banner being
anti-American?: (a) Yes, what else could they mean by demonstrating against our
flag and our national anthem?; or (b) No, and besides, they’re perfectly justified
in protesting this rotten, unjust, inequitable, unsustainable and
other-bad-things country of ours. And
don’t you dare question my patriotism!
* Which poses a greater threat to civilization?: (a)
Islamic terrorism; or (b) plastic drinking straws.
* Should we derive all of our electricity from wind
and solar power?: (a) No. Those sources
are impractical and prohibitively expensive, and we have no means of storing
them until we need them; or (b) Yes.
Nobody owns the sun and the wind, so the electricity will be free.
* About what should Pope Francis be more alarmed?: (a)
reported cover-ups of sexual abuse among clergy; or (b) plastic drinking
straws.
* When should it be permissible to kill another
person?: (a) when that person threatens your life; or (b) when that person does
not yet have a name or a social identity, and therefore will never be missed.
* Which is more damaging to wildlife?: (a) wind
turbines that puree bypassing birds; or (b) helium balloons, which, as every
officially smart person knows, choke dolphins.
* Who has done more for American political discourse?:
(a) Benjamin Franklin; or (b) the person who coined the phrase, “Don’t go there!”
* If someone you disagree with is speaking at your
college, should you: (a) politely listen, and then express your disagreement in
a peaceful and responsible manner; or (b) disrupt the speech by making lots of
loud noises, cut the speaker’s microphone, and attack that person with a
urine-laced cream pie?
* Are carbon and carbon dioxide the same thing?: (a)
Of course not. That’s like confusing
hydrogen and water; or (b) I’m going “carbon neutral” to reduce carbon dioxide
emissions, so the answer must be yes.
Have I mentioned that I speak for science?
If you answered (a) to each of these questions, you
are a non-liberal, and are therefore capable of withstanding disagreements and
getting on with your life. If you
answered (b) to any or all of them, you are a liberal, and thus are in danger
of losing control of all cognitive and motor functions, whenever you are
“triggered” by the sight of a hat.
The Shinbone: The
Frontier of the Free Press