Posted on December 3, 1999


Bill Clinton's

New Year's Resolutions


The following is a Shinbone exclusive! This secret White House document was intercepted by an operative of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (VRWC), who sneaked into the Oval Office, inconspicuously dressed as a Washington Redskins' cheerleader.

After this document was delivered to VRWC communications headquarters, aka, the Office of Independent Counsel, it was translated into code, then incinerated. The encrypted message was then leaked, as usual, and transmitted through a Wall Street Journal editorial, and read by His Vastness, Mr. Richard Mellon Scaife, who owns the only VRWC decoding book in known existence.

When asked why he, ruler of the great VRWC media empire, would choose to entrust dissemination of so vital a piece of information to Daniel Clark, editor of a humble web publication entitled "The Shinbone," Mr. Scaife replied, "It just seemed like the clandestine thing to do."

What follows is a peek inside the mind of the leader of the free world. Lest you question the significance of what you are about to read, remember that the promises that President Clinton makes to himself have historically been the ones he has kept. With that in mind, please proceed with caution.



This is a secret decrypted transmission of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy. If you have not reached any higher than the VRWC's seventh stage of elevated suspicion, you are not authorized to read the following transmission. Noncompliance is punishable by mean-spirited, hateful partisan rhetoric.



From the desk of...The President of These Here United States of America:

Memo: Things to do in 2000...or final stages of The Legacy Project:




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