The College Football Czar
Week 9
Week eight in review: The #1 ranking has been like a rugby ball this
season, in that everyone who takes possession of it is taken down shortly
thereafter. #1 Texas has just been
defeated by former #1 Georgia, whose only loss, in turn, was to an Alabama team
that then became #1, but is no longer.
The new #1 team is Oregon, but for how long? The 7-0 Fighting Ducks receive an immediate
challenge from #20 Illinois this week, and each of their five remaining
opponents currently has a winning record.
There was a controversial moment in
that Georgia-Texas game in which the officiating crew appeared to capitulate to
mob rule. With Georgia leading 23-8
early in the fourth quarter, Texas safety Jahdae Barron intercepted a pass and
returned it to the 9-yard-line, but was called for pass interference. Angry fans then bombarded the field with
water bottles, beer cans and other debris, causing a delay in the game, during
which the officials huddled and reversed the call. Indeed the initial penalty call appeared to
be incorrect, but that's hardly the point.
Had the game not been held up by fan misconduct, they would have snapped
the ball and never revisited the play.
The inescapable conclusion is that the flag was picked up because the
mob demanded it. The NCAA has fined the
Longhorns $250.000, but that punishment will never reach the level of the
individual fan, whose takeaway from the incident cannot help but be that unruly
behavior may be rewarded.
Arizona State head coach Kenny
Dillingham has apologized for singling out sophomore kicker Ian Hershey after
the Sun Devils' 24-14 loss at Cincinnati, but that's too late to prevent the
College Football Czar from nominating him for the Lardhead of the Year
Award. During his postgame press
conference, Dillingham announced an open tryout for a new kicker, saying "We
got to find someone who can make a field goal ... Our kicking game's atrocious,
so if you can kick and you're at Arizona State, e-mail me." To be sure, Hershey has had his struggles,
including misses from 41 and 48 yards against the Bearcats, but for a coach to
publicly dump on one of his players that way was unseemly, unprofessional and
wrong. Besides, let's take a look at
just how ASU lost that game. In the
first quarter, Dillingham goes for it on a fourth-and-two from his own 48, and
the play gets blown up for a seven-yard loss.
Cincinnati converts the mistake for a field goal to lead 10-7. In the second quarter, Dillingham goes for a
fourth-and-one at the UC 49, and gets stopped for a loss of one. Cincinnati takes possession and drives 50
yards for a touchdown to lead 24-7.
Yeah, the kicker blew it alright.
You lardhead.
Mike Houston of East Carolina and
Will Hall of Southern Miss have become the first head coaching casualties of
2024. Houston went 27-38 in five-plus
years at ECU, but fell to 2-10 last season, and this year's 3-4 mark was not
encouraging, given the level of competition.
Hall had a career mark of 14-30 in his fourth year in Hattiesburg, as
the once proud USM program has spiraled into oblivion.
For about three years now, analytics
has dictated that if you're trailing by 14 points and you score a touchdown,
you should go for two so that, if it is successful, you can win the game with
another touchdown and extra point, and if you fail, you can still force
overtime by going for two again on a subsequent touchdown. Having been very critical of analytics, the
College Football Czar feels the need to point out that Maryland succeeded in
defeating USC by one point in regulation time by using this formula. The reason this result leapt out at the Czar,
however, was that he did not recall seeing it work as advertised until
then. He has sure seen it backfire,
though. So, score one for the analytics
geeks, but they've still got some catching up to do.
The Czar blew the two big SEC games
on Saturday, but otherwise had a respectable week, finishing 11-6. For the season, his record stands at 86-62,
for a .581 winning percentage.
Oct. 25
Louisville at Boston College
The best bet for BC is to take the
early lead and then control the clock, because they can't keep up with the
frenetic pace at which the Cardinals played in their 52-45 loss to #6
Miami. Tyler Shough led the redbirds
with 342 passing yards, tossing four TDs and no picks. Eagle QB Thomas Castellanos is not nearly as
prolific a passer, but that's because he's supposed to be a dual threat. This year, the running game just isn't there,
with his per-carry average plummeting to 2.2, from 4.9 a year ago.
At 4-3, the Cards could easily be
bowl-eligible by now, having lost by seven points each to Notre Dame, SMU and
Miami. With wins against Georgia Tech
and Virginia, they've probably played the toughest conference schedule of
anybody in the ACC so far.
In this election year, knowing how
the people of Massachusetts feel about "equity," the College Football Czar
proposes that Baaahhston redistribute half of its unnecessarily long
vowel to Lllvulll. All part of
the New Way Forward.
Louisville 31, Boston College 17
Boise State at UNLV
The winner of this Mountain West
battle becomes the frontrunner for the group-of-five CFP bid, even though both
Army and Navy remain undefeated.
Naturally, the service academies are sentimental favorites, but let's let
them each play a power conference opponent before we give them any serious
consideration. Meanwhile, the Broncos
have only lost one game, at Oregon on a last-second field goal. The Rebels came out on the saw end of a
seesaw game against Syracuse, but are otherwise unbeaten, also.
People talk about Heisman
"candidates," but the College Football Czar doesn't recall another instance of
negative campaigning, until Colorado's Travis Hunter compared himself favorably
to BSU tailback Ashton Jeanty.
Hopefully, Jeanty won't take the bait by responding personally. The Bronco back's only rebuttal should be to
try to carry his team into the playoffs.
Late last Saturday, the gamblers got
away with violating their own rule, in that they didn't know when to hold
'em. With a 33-25 lead and less than two
minutes to play, Vegas took an unnecessary chance on a deep ball that was
intercepted by Oregon State. They had
only needed five yards for a first down, and even if they didn't get it, they
should have been able to run the clock down to about a minute before punting,
or else force the Beavers use their final timeout. Instead, the pickoff set up OSU at its own
46, with 1:42 to play and a timeout remaining.
The Beavs drove all the way to the Rebel 6-yard-line before a
last-second throw into the end zone fell incomplete.
Is it "the playoffs" in college
football now, or must it be only "the playoff?"
The Czar would like to know, because he fears the NCAA semantic police
have already got a file on him, ever since he referred to the "two minute
warning" at the beginning of the season.
Boise State 52, UNLV 41
Oct. 26
Penn State at Wisconsin
Tawee Walker has proven to be even
tougher than Tawny Kitaen, as the Badger RB has carried his team to three big,
Big Ten victories in a row. Since taking
over as his team's top running back during the USC game, Walker has romped over
Purdue, Rutgers and Northwestern for an average of 140 yards and two TDs per
game.
Two weeks ago, against an opponent
that's not nearly as imposing, the Nittany Lions allowed 7.9 yards per carry in
a 33-30 overtime victory at USC. For the
season, however, PSU still has the #10 run defense in the nation, yielding an
even 95 yards per game.
Lion tight end Tyler Warren tied a
Division I-A record at his position with 17 receptions against Southern
Cal. To his 224 receiving yards, he
added one four-yard run, and even a pass completion for nine yards. The 6-6, 260 senior manages to get open even
though opponents should know by now that he's the guy they always go to when
they're in trouble. His next biggest
game this season was in an unexpected struggle against Bowling Green, when he
caught eight passes for 146 yards.
You might remember Tawny Kitaen from
the movie Bachelor Party. Check
that, no you don't, because there's absolutely nothing in that movie that your
brain might have retained for five minutes after it was over. In fact, you probably remember more of the
last bachelor party you attended than you do of this movie. It's about as completely unmemorable as
co-star Adrian Zmed.
Penn State 17, Wisconsin 14
West Virginia at Arizona
These Western road trips are no
longer such a menace for the Mountaineers, since the nationwide expansion of
the Big XII. So far this year, the only
time they've ventured farther from home than Pittsburgh has been a Week 6 game
in Stillwater, where they slammed Oklahoma State, 38-14.
The only reason the Wildcats aren't
1-4 in conference play is because their 31-7 loss to Kansas State had been
scheduled before they joined the Big XII, and was therefore officially a
nonconference game. Otherwise, they
would now be in next-to-last place, half a game ahead of Oklahoma State.
Nobody but Noah Fifita has thrown a
pass for the Cats this season, and that appears to be the way it will stay for
the duration of the season, even though he has thrown ten interceptions to nine
touchdown so far. Leading receiver
Tetairoa McMillan opened the year with a 304-yard, four-TD game against new
Mexico, but has not hit paydirt in six games since.
WVU coach Neal Brown doesn't have to
coax the fans in Morgantown to come to the stadium this week, but how will he
convince them to watch the game on TV, after a 45-18 clunker against
K-State? Perhaps he'll inform them that
they can drink Thunderbird while watching the game at home. They can paint the pet snake in WVU colors
and take selfies with him. They can
crank call the pizza guy, and then hide when he shows up, because they'd
forgotten all about caller ID. They can
reminisce about all of their proudest furniture burnings from days of
yore. See? You don't need good football in order to have
a good time.
West Virginia 11, Arizona 5
LSU at Texas A&M
The Conjunction Boys remain on track
as the higher-profile SEC powers continue to go off the rails. At 6-1 overall and 4-0 in the conference, the
Aggies are one of two teams left without a loss in league play. The other is the visiting Tigers (6-1, 3-0),
who handed them a 42-30 defeat last Thanksgiving weekend.
Louisiana State QB Garrett Nussmeier
is sixth in the nation in passing yards, only 46 behind Shedeur Sanders of
Colorado. He would be well ahead of him
if sacks counted against passing yardage like they do in the NFL. They should not, by the way, because every
play is a rushing play until the ball is in the air. As usual, it's the college game that gets it
right.
With the exception of a surprising
blowout of Missouri, the ampersanders have not been &ing much to their
margins of victory. Last week, they let
a meandering Mississippi State team hang around until midway through the fourth
quarter, before stopping them on fourth down on consecutive possessions to win,
34-24. Despite leading the league in the
standings, A&M is only #11 in the SEC offensively, and #8 on defense.
The Bayou Bengals hail from Baton
Rouge, which means "red stick." So what
does College Station mean? Usually that
you're listening to really terrible coffeehouse music, deliberately sung
off-key by a woman who doesn't shave.
LSU 44, Texas A&M 35
Illinois at Oregon
I cannot tell Illi. The team from the Land of Lincoln is a
legitimate Big Ten contender, since stifling Michigan 21-7 to improve to
6-1. They haven't won many gams easily,
though, having beaten Kansas by six points, Nebraska by seven, and Purdue by
one in overtime.
The Fighting Ducks flattened that
same PU team, 35-0 last Friday night, in the first shutout the team has
recorded since razing Arizona 49-0 in 2012.
They put the big O back on the helmet, and the defense put a big O on
the scoreboard. Perhaps there's a lesson
in that. Well, not really. It's just that the Czar hates it when they
wear unduck uniforms, like they did against Michigan State and Ohio State.
The Fighting Illini were sporting
pretty convincing faux-leather helmets, as part of their Red Grange throwbacks
in which they ground up Michigan, 21-7.
Leading 3-0 in the second quarter, they forced fumbles on back-to-back
Wolverine possessions, converting them for a total of ten points.
Okay, so it was George Washington,
and not Honest Abe, who supposedly said, "I cannot tell a lie." But Washington and Lincoln are now officially
the same person, ever since the federal government merged their birthdays into
Presidents Day. Then JFK and Clinton had
to horn in on it, just because they hate to miss a good mattress sale.
Oregon 31, Illinois 21
Notre Dame vs. Navy
One of these teams has lost at home
to a MAC team, and the other is undefeated.
Of course, we already know which is which, but if we didn't, who among
us would guess it correctly? The "Wake
Up the Echoes" crowd must be haunted by that Week 2 upset at the hands of
Northern Illinois, a team that since has underachieved in conference play.
Deshaun Peele didn't slip on bananas
like those Darwin players chasing Harpo downfield, otherwise the Naval Academy
cornerback could not have scored on interception returns of 61 and 84 yards, in
a 51-17 shellacking of Charlotte. Both
the Midshipmen and their rivals from West Point are in the rankings now, but
Army, having won one more game, is two spots ahead. This should not be. The difference between 7-0 and 6-0 is not
that big a deal, compared to the fact that the Middies have beaten a formidable
Memphis team, whereas Army has defeated Division I-AA Lehigh, and the six worst
teams in the AAC (Florida Atlantic, Rice, Temple, Tulsa, UAB and East
Carolina).
The song doesn't really say "wake up
the echoes," you know. It says, "wake up
the Xs and Os." Just think if they were
ever late for a game. Everybody would
just be standing around on the field, not knowing what to do.
Notre Dame 35, Navy 32
SMU at Duke
The Blue Devils won last Friday
night, but was it really constructive for coach Manny Diaz to hammer away all
week at the fact that the school had never beaten Florida State? They're clearly the better team this year, so
why plant a seed of doubt in their minds?
Besides, Diaz is only the first-year coach in Durham, which made him a
little like the young British soldier in The Longest Day who hollered,
"Let's get 'em back for Dunkirk," raising the ire of Sean Connery.
Southern Methodist has lost only one
game this year, a nonconference battle with unbeaten Brigham Young, by three
points. The Mustangs are 3-0 in ACC
play, and neither Clemson or Miami stands in the way between them and the
conference title game. The Devils are
6-1 also, but with a conference defeat at Georgia Tech, and with Miami and
Virginia Tech remaining on their schedule.
No, Adam Sandler hasn't done a
remake of The Longest Day, but if he did, at least it would stand a
better chance of being amusing. For one
thing, it would be difficult to cram yet another feeble Chris Berman cameo into
that one.
SMU 41, Duke 29
Texas at Vanderbilt
Saturdays for the Commodores have not
been easy like Sunday morning, but they have won their first four games in
Nashville for the first time since they went unbeaten at home in 1982. A week ago, they broke a fourth-quarter tie
to beat Ball State 24-14, with dual-threat QB Diego Pavia paving the way.
Longhorn coach Steve Sarkisian says
Quin Ewers is still the starting quarterback, even though some of the fans in
Austin showed stronger arms than his in last week's 30-15 loss to Georgia. Ewers was pulled for two series late in the
second quarter, but returned to lead a touchdown drive to open the second half.
So, who said Sunday morning was
easy, anyway? Certainly not the
attendees at Vandy's historic win over Alabama.
The team didn't have a hangover, as it has proven in two subsequent
victories, but the fans are another story.
Oh, it was Lionel Richie who wrote
it. That figures. Definitely not the "Bob's Country Bunker"
type.
Texas 23, Vanderbilt 10
Georgia Tech at Virginia Tech
The 4-3 Gobblers are not far from
having had a great season, with losses at Vanderbilt in overtime, to Rutgers on
a late field goal, and at Miami on the controversial reversal of a last-second
touchdown. Last Thursday night, running
back Bhayshul Tuten burst through Boston College for 266 yards and three
touchdowns on the ground, plus a 20-yard TD reception.
On an 83-yard, second-quarter score,
however, Tuten coasted as he got near the goal line, carrying the ball loosely
in his left hand as he spread out his arms like airplane wings. A BC defender almost knocked it away from
behind, and the Czar wishes he had. If
the officials are not going to penalize unsportsmanlike conduct, we need it to
provide its own punishment once in a while.
With QB Haynes King out with an
injured shoulder, the Yellowjackets turned to backup Zach Pyron for last week's
31-13 loss to Notre Dame. The redshirt
sophomore threw for 269 yards, but was picked off twice, resulting in ten
points for the Fighting Irish.
If lardheaded announcers were right,
Tech should have won that game easily.
Cuz, whenever the ball touches Pyron, it's a touchdown, right?
Virginia Tech 33, Georgia Tech 21
Cincinnati at Colorado
With identical records of 3-1 in the
conference and 5-2 overall, these two surprise Big XII contenders are playing
what is pretty much an elimination game.
If the Buffaloes can come away with a win, they could be setting
themselves up for a strong finish, with their last three games against equally
surprising non-contenders Utah, Kansas and Oklahoma State.
CU cruised past Arizona 34-7, but
ailing WR/CB Travis Hunter was in obvious pain, and came out of the game at
halftime. The presumptive Heisman
favorite is trying to play through a shoulder injury, but visibly struggled in
the first half against the Wildcats.
The Bearcats have only lost close
games to Pitt and Texas Tech, but whom have they beaten? Their biggest win by far was last week's
24-14 victory against an Arizona State team that took ridiculous gambles on
offense, even though it was missing its starting quarterback. Aside from that, they have defeated Central
Florida, Houston, Miami Ohio, and Division I-AA Towson.
This week's Coach Prime paranoia
update is that he called it "disrespectful" of Arizona to attempt an onside
kick to open the game. So, let the
College Football Czar get this straight, Deion.
Wildcat coach Brent Brennan attempted a desperate trick play because he
was totally confident he would beat you?
If I understand you correctly, the offensive part was the very idea that
your team might be caught off-guard, even though that's what each team tries to
do to the other on almost every single play of the game. Don't you ever try to take your opponents by
surprise? You're a head football coach
too, you know.
Colorado 27, Cincinnati 17
Missouri at Alabama
As you're reading this, the CFP
committee is probably meeting to discuss exactly how they'll still manage to
weasel the Crimson Tide into the playoff if they should lose this game. That might sound unfair, but such speculation
is the price they pay for the subjectivity of the system.
Against Auburn, Mizzou QB Brady Cook
suffered an ankle injury, was sent to the hospital for an MRI, then returned to
the game to lead his team back from a 14-point deficit to win, 21-17. He is not the only one hobbled, though. Leading rusher Nate Noel finished the game
with a foot injury, and will not be in the lineup against the Tide. At least that's the cover story. The truth is that Noel has been stolen, and
will not be returned by Christmas until everybody in America agrees that "gift"
is a noun and not a verb.
MU is one of six SEC teams that is
currently 6-1, but the College Football Czar has trouble taking that record
seriously in its case. Any remote CFP
chances this team may have must be discounted by the fact that Buffalo is only
the third-weakest opponent they've faced so far.
The pachyderms are #13 in the SEC
defensively, in both yards and points allowed per game. Last week, they shut out Tennessee in the
first half, and still gave up 24 points and 408 yards by the time it was over. With a conference record of 2-2, they are in
danger of falling below .500 in league play for the first time since a Week 3
loss to Ole Miss in 2015.
The Czar dislikes the demise of
divisions in this era of gigantic superconferences, but one of its good points
is that the SEC more geographically honest.
The way it had previously broken down its divisions must have been a
product of analytics. "Gee, Kirk,
according to our graphic, analytics say Missouri is east of Alabama, so who am
I to disagree?"
Alabama 34, Missouri 20
Michigan State at Michigan
Fist-year Wolverine coach Sherrone
Moore refuses to discuss why he didn't bring in a new quarterback through the
transfer portal. The College Football
Czar suspects the answer lies in the support the players gave Moore when he was
being considered for the head coaching job.
By assuming the QBs he had on his roster were good enough, he was
probably just reciprocating their loyalty.
If that is the case, it's perfectly understandable, perhaps even
admirable, but evidently costly.
One of the dopiest remarks you can
hear during a football game is when a team is criticized for kicking field
goals instead of scoring touchdowns, as if the latter were merely
optional. Against Iowa, Spartan kicker Jonathan
Kim scored from distances of 42, 43, 36, 29, 55 and 46 yards. On most of these occasions, his team was
nowhere near the end zone. Each team
scored two touchdowns in the game. Were
Sparty's six field goals worse than Iowa's two, just because they were scoring
so many field goals "instead of touchdowns?"
In 2007, Wolverine running back Mike
Hart referred to MSU as "little brother," to which the folks in East Lansing
took umbrage. That's because the big
brother is bound to be superior. Take
Alain Lemieux, for example.
Michigan State 22, Michigan 17
Oregon State at California
The way the Golden Bears have been
finishing games, setting up a freshman kicker for a bad-angle attempt with the
game on the line was just asking for it.
On a third-and-14, they completed a ten-yard pass, but outside the
hashmark, leaving Derek Morris in a difficult position. They weren't likely to get the first down
anyway, so why not run toward the middle, and let the kid try a 38-yarder from
a more favorable position? The 24-23
loss to Nc State drops Cal to 0-4 in ACC play, having lost all four by a combined
total of nine points.
Jaydn Ott to be ready to take the
field again. The Cal running back, who
has missed the last two games with an ankle injury, might easily have made the
difference in losses to Pitt and NCSU.
In 2023, he ran for 1,305 yards and 12 touchdowns.
Committing a penalty is seldom a
good thing, but the fact that the Beavers were only flagged once against UNLV
suggests a general lack of aggression, which could account for their blowing a
17-6 lead, and then failing to rally soon enough in a 33-25 setback. In their previous 42-37 loss to Nevada, they
were penalized just twice, and they gave up four touchdowns within 17 minutes
of game time in the second half.
No wonder the Bears settled in the
Bay Area. Pretty soon, it will be time
for them to lie around on their carcasses for months and attack anything that
disturbs them. They'll fit right in.
California 26, Oregon State 24
Texas Tech at TCU
Texas Christian the latest team to
score a big win against Utah, 13-7 late last Saturday night. Before much longer, everyone is going to
figure out that beating the Utes isn't such a big deal. In fact, this is the first time the team from
Fort Worth is taking on a Big XII opponent that is not currently 1-3 in
conference play.
It was only a matter of time until
TT was toppled. The Red Raiders were
blown off their home field by Baylor, 59-35, and it wasn't even that
close. They went 5-for-6 on fourth-down
conversions, which sounds great, except that it indicates the state of
desperation they were in all along.
The leaping lizards could stand to
keep their feet on the ground a little more often. Sophomore QB Josh Hoover is fourth in the
nation in passing yardage, but his team ranks next to last in the Big XII in
rushing, ahead of only Colorado.
The Horned Frogs have been lizards
identifying as frogs ever since the team first took the field in 1896. What visionaries!
Texas Tech 55, TCU 44
Washington at Indiana
The Hoosiers nuked Nebraska 56-7 to
improve to 7-0, but in doing so they lost starting quarterback Kurtis Rourke,
for this game at least. The former Ohio
Bobcat bomber left last week's victory at halftime, with an injured thumb on
his throwing hand. He has already had
surgery, and is expected to return quickly, but perhaps not until that big zero
has been erased from the L-column.
In the second half of a 40-16 loss
at Iowa, the Huskies had little choice but to go for it on fourth down on three
straight possessions, but they went 0-3 in those attempts, to go along with an
interception, a fumble and a blocked field goal attempt. In total yardage, they actually came out
ahead, for whatever that's worth, which it isn't.
The U of I recently unveiled a
statue of Bloomington native John Mellencamp, who responded by donating some of
his paintings to the university. For
those who don't know, the singer/songwriter also paints pictures that garner
praise because they make ham-handed liberal political statements, even though
the artwork is unintentionally Ren and Stimpy-ish. Mellencamp refers to his works as oil
paintings, but the College Football Czar suspects he simply rubs his head
against the canvas.
Washington 31, Indiana 30
San Jose State at Fresno State
Mikey Keene hasn't been so neato
lately. The Bulldog quarterback has
thrown five interceptions in his last three games, giving him more picks than
touchdown for the season. During his
first three years at FSU and Central Florida, he had 47 TDs to 17 INTs.
The Spartans "control their own
destiny," which is another way of saying they can pretend to be in the Mountain
West Conference race until Boise State and UNLV beat the phlegm out of them in
the last two games of the regular season.
At 5-2 overall and 2-1 in the MWC, they would fall out of the running if
they don't leave Fresno with a victory.
This longtime rivalry, which is
threatened by FSU's move to the Pac 12, has been very competitive over the
years, with the Dogs leading 44-39-3.
Considering that they first met in 1921, you'd think by now they could
have come up with a better moniker than the Battle for the Valley. Fresno is in San Joaquin Valley, and San Jose
is in Silicon Valley, so what valley is it that they're battling for? Frankie Valli?
At least then, if SJSU prevailed,
they could take him home and have him sing "Walk Like a Man" to their
volleyball team.
Fresno State 21, San Jose State 19
Kansas at Kansas State
The Wildcats have won the last 15
games in this series, but they would need to duplicate that feat in order to
take the overall lead. Last year, they
trailed the KU-KU Pigeon Sisters by eleven points in the fourth quarter, but
scored two late TDs to win 31-27, with the aid of a muffed punt.
The 2-5 Jayhawks finally scored
their first win of the season against Division I-A competition, hammering
Houston 42-14 at Arrowhead Stadium.
Struggling quarterback Jalon Daniels broke through with one rushing
touchdown to go along with three through the air, while completing 16 of 21 for
247 yards. Perhaps most importantly, he
has not thrown an interception in his past two games.
In a 45-18 flattening of West
Virginia, KSU clogged the Eers on 5 of 6 fourth-down attempts. The win keeps the Cats a half-game out of
first place in the big XII, with a fairly soft patch of schedule preceding
their season-ending "Farmageddon" game against Iowa State.
In this battle for the Sunflower
State, nobody is sunflowerier than K-State quarterback Avery Johnson, so the
College Football Czar figures the Wildcats will win.
Kansas State 56, Kansas 38
Tulane at North Texas
The 5-2 Green Wave can wave goodbye
to any chance at the group-of-five CFP bid, because their lopsided Week 3 loss
to Oklahoma has gotten so much worse with the passage of time. Last week's 24-10 win over Rice was hardly
inspiring, either, but it keeps TU unbeaten in American Athletic Conference
play.
The Mean Green fell to 5-2 with a
wacky 52-44 loss at Memphis, in which they outgained the Tigers 653-526. Their offense is currently third in the
nation, behind Miami and Ole Miss, but on the other side of the ball, their
defense is #121.
UNT coach Eric Morris is the latest
head coach to take an adversarial tone with the home fans, which the College
Football Czar sees as a bizarre and self-destructive trend. Apparently in response to complaints on social
media about the 11AM Central kickoff time, Morris chided, "Get over
yourself. Get up a little earlier, come
tailgate and have fun, then go home and enjoy those late games on your
couch." He forgot to add, "brush your teeth
before going to bed." But seriously, "Get
over yourself?" Just for not liking
a pre-noon start? Not something like,
"that's the time we have to play in order to be on national television, so we
appreciate everyone's cooperation." No,
he decided instead to psychoanalyze a lot of people he doesn't even know, and
then order them around.
Do you suppose he talks like this to
his players? "Hey you, wide receiver
taunting his opponent and dancing around like a boob, get over yourself!" There goes another one for the portal.
Tulane 38, North Texas 35
Bowling Green at Toledo
One of the great provincial
rivalries of the game is the one between these neighboring Northwestern
Ohioans, whose series is one of the most competitive in the nation. Since they first met in 1962, the Rockets
have taken the lead by a count of 29-26-1.
It's kind of like the competition between the star-bellied and
plain-bellied Sneetches, with the folks in Toledo being the ones with Jamie
Farr upon thars.
The 3-4 Falcons have taken some
tough losses, but the problem is that they've lost to every tough opponent
they've come across, dropping decisions to Penn State, Texas A&M, Old
Dominion and Northern Illinois by an average of 6.5 points. Their wins have been against Division I-AA
Fordham, and MAC bottom feeders Akron and Kent State.
The Rockets (5-2, 2-1) bounced back
from a bad loss to Buffalo to beat NIU 13-6, holding the Huskies on six of
eight fourth-down attempts. Do those
analytics guys ever watch any real football games at all, or are all their
conclusions derived from "eSports"?
If you thought presidential
campaigns weren't so awful before this one, let's go back twenty years, when
John Kerry was speaking to a crowd in Bowling Green. "There is one tough position I will not
take," he said, "I am not going to choose between the Falcons and the Rockets." Then, just to make sure he pandered to the
entire state, he added, "I will say this.
There is nothing better than Buckeye football." Having found this sufficiently witty, he
referenced it at his next stop, by which time he had crossed the state line
into Michigan. "I just came here from
Bowling Green," he said. "I was smart
enough not to pick a choice [sic] between the Falcons and the, well, you know,
all those other teams out there. I just
go for Buckeye football. That's where
I'm coming from." Startled by the
negative response, he hastily added, "But that was while I was in Ohio. I know I'm in the state of Michigan, and
you've got a great big M and a powerhouse of a team."
Yeah. Rah for the great big M. Nice save, Johnny.
Toledo 27, Bowling Green 23
La.-Monroe at South Alabama
If you're wondering why the 5-1
Warhawks haven't gotten more recognition, one reason is that they're in Monroe,
Louisiana. Another is that six of their
eight toughest games remain to be played.
They are not realistic contenders to win the Sun Belt Conference, but
considering their history, one more win and bowl eligibility would be
accomplishment enough. Even if the season
doesn't end the way they would like, they have recovered from Terry Bowden in
record time. By comparison, Auburn went
5-6 in 1999, and Akron 0-12 in 2019.
With this newfound success,
hopefully ULM will be able to hire somebody to design a better logo. The one they've been using is a throwback
from when they were called the Indians, except that they've tried to pound a
Warhawk through an Indian hole, and if you think you don't want to see that,
you're right.
The Jaguars (3-4, 2-1) defeated
intrastate foe Troy 25-9 in the Battle for the Belt. Everyone enjoys a good rivalry game, but what
a shame that there's only one belt to go around to the entire state of Alabama. And it doesn't even come with an owner's
manual.
South Alabama 33, La.-Monroe 29
a sports publication from The
Shinbone