The College Football Czar

Week 8

Week seven in review: In what might have been the biggest game to this point of the season, Oregon edged Ohio State 32-31. The magnitude of this outcome might not be so great, though, given the likelihood that those same two teams might meet in the Big Ten championship game, and/or the CFP. Fighting Duck wide receiver Traeshon Holden was ejected in the second quarter of that game for spitting in the face of Buckeye cornerback Davison Igbinosun. After getting tossed, Holden slammed his helmet as he stormed through the tunnel, as if he had been the victim of some kind of injustice or other. Perhaps he had a point in being surprised by the punishment. How often anymore do we see any sign of disapproval for any sort of unsportsmanlike conduct?

Still, half a game is hardly enough of a penalty for such a vile and deliberate act, especially when players are routinely sent off for running afoul of the replay official's interpretation of the murky targeting rule. Quacker coach Dan Lanning needs to suspend his second-leading receiver for a significant period of time, perhaps the rest of the season. It would be a shame for Holden's senior year to end that way, but he'll have brought it upon himself.

Believe it or not, that wasn't even the only spitting incident from last Saturday. Earlier in the day, Memphis tailback Mario Anderson was thrown out for spitting on South Florida defensive end Doug Blue-Eli. Back in Week Zero, SMU cornerback Brandon Crossley was given the gate for spitting on an unidentified Nevada player. Mustang coach Rhett Lashlee suggested that this was a revenge spitting, claiming that his own wide receiver Jordan Hudson had been spat upon by a Wolf Pack player earlier in the game.

How has it come to this? Watch almost any game, and you'll see. First, the officials refuse to flag any player for showing up his opponents by dancing, posing or performing any kind of choreographed routine, after scoring a touchdown, recording a sack, or making almost any kind of an arguably better-than-average play. Then it escalates to the confrontational phase, with players standing over fallen opponents, poking fingers in their faces, and other examples of taunting that have routinely gone unpenalized. So at least we know now that spitting still crosses the line, but will the line still be there next season? If not, then what, if anything, will it take to draw a penalty then?

To all you lardheaded announcers out there who enable unsportsmanlike conduct on a weekly basis by categorizing every selfish, obnoxious, butt-brained display as "fun," what if spitting in the face of an opposing player was Holden's idea of fun? You wouldn't want to be an old crustybutt by taking the fun out of the game, would you?

The College Football Czar finally broke out of his Friday slump by correctly predicting the final score of Arizona State's 27-19 win over Utah. For the week, he went 13-5, for a season record of 75-56, and a .573 winning percentage.

Oct. 18

Florida State at Duke

The 1-5 Seminoles have had a week off since giving redshirt freshman Brock Glenn his first start of the season, in a 29-13 loss to Clemson. His play may have been a modest improvement over that of D.J. Uiagalelei, but his team's offense is still shy a ground game, with a yards-per-carry average of only 2.2.

That leaves them unable to take advantage of a Blue Devil defense that was beaten for the first time of the year in Week 6, by a Georgia Tech team that ran over them for 245 yards. It hadn't been bad against the run prior to that game, however. The 3.8 yards per carry it has allowed for the season lands it in the middle of the conference, statistically.

Manny Diaz returns to the ACC this year, arriving in Durham after a two-year stint as defensive coordinator at Penn State. In three years as head coach at Miami, from 2019-21, he fared poorly in nonconference games, but went 16-9 in league play, with a 2-1 record against FSU.

Wallace Wade Stadium famously guest-hosted the Rose Bowl on New Year's Day of 1942, having been moved from Pasadena for fear of a possible Japanese attack. Ironically, the greater danger might have been on the East Coast, including North Carolina, where German U-boats were on the prowl at the time. It would be the closest encounter people in that area would have with the enemy until 1988, when Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon came to town.

Duke 20, Florida State 10

Fresno State at Nevada

FSU fell at home to Washington State 25-17, one game after being obliterated by UNLV, thus dimming their chances of reaching the Mountain West championship. The Bulldogs bullied the Wazzu offense last week, but were done in by twelve penalties and a late pick-six.

UNR rediscovered the r-u-n in A 42-37 victory over Oregon State. Savion Red may sound like something from the bottom shelf at the liquor store, but the Wolf Pack running back sloshed his way for 137 yards and four TDs. Red, a Texas retread, leads a pack of transfers in the Nevada backfield, where he is joined by Patrick Garwo (Boston College), Chubba Purdy (Nebraska) and Sean Dollars (Oregon).

Savion is not the only one who red it right against OSU. Quarterback Brenden Lewis burned the Beavers all day long on the read option, keeping the ball nine times for 151 yards, including a 67-yard touchdown that proved to be the game-winner.

Q: Where does the R come from in the University of Nevada?

A: From one of the wolves, of course. R-R-R-R-R!

Nevada 49, Fresno State 41

Oct. 22

Kansas State at West Virginia

A week ago, it was Georgia coach Kirby Smart who delivered a stupid message to his team's fans, telling them he was disappointed in them for not being loud enough. Neal Brown of the Mountaineers might have outdone him, with an oblivious response to fan criticisms of his team's play. "I get that they want to win," he said. "But what I would say is, did they have a good time? Did they enjoy it? It was a pretty good atmosphere. I'm assuming they probably had a pretty good time tailgating. So, if they're in the deal for enjoyment, then I would come back." Just because there are people at an event getting totally polluted and losing control of their bodily functions, that does not make it a Jimmy Buffett concert. These people are paying a lot of money to attend a football game, and they don't end up having a good time when their team loses. One would hope the outcome would matter at least that much to the head coach.

The vaunted WVU ground game left them vaunting more last week against Iowa State, when their only significant ground-gainer in the 28-16 defeat was QB Garrett Greene. A year ago, the Eers rated fourth in the nation in rushing, at 228.9 ypg, but so far in 2024, they've tumbled to #21, with an average of 210.5.

The Wildcats came away from Colorado with a shaky 31-28 victory, with QB Avery Johnson and WR Jayce Brown connecting on a winning 50-yard score with just over two minutes to play. Johnson had just thrown a costly interception on the previous possession, setting CU up for a go-ahead score.

K-State's home field is called Bill Snyder Family Stadium. If they had a family stadium in Morgantown, it would have to hold a heck of a lot more than 60,000.

Kansas State 24, West Virginia 13

Georgia at Texas

Longhorn coach Steve Sarkisian has declared unambiguously that Quinn Ewers is still his starting QB, since he returned to play in a 34-3 thumping of rival Oklahoma. Ewers' numbers were nothing to get excited about (20 of 29 for 199 yards, 1TD and 1 INT), and for the season, freshman Arch Manning has been the slightly more productive of the two. Still, score one for the coach for decisiveness. When you're contending for a national championship, one thing you don't need is a midseason quarterback controversy.

A year ago, the Bulldogs were third in the SEC in rushing with 305.3 yards per game. This year, they're thirteenth, at 134.0. The problem is not that they aren't running the ball effectively, so much as that they're hardly running it at all. Trevor Etienne is picking up 5.3 yards per carry, and freshman Nate Frazier is averaging 5.2, but neither of them has had a 100-yard game, because they simply don't get enough carries.

For the second week in a row, Bulldog coach Kirby Smart is being mentioned on these pages for the wrong reasons. In a surprisingly close 41-31 win against Mississippi State, he shoved freshman MSU quarterback Michael Van Buren, who had just been forced out of bounds on the UGA sideline. You're probably going to hear comparisons to volatile Ohio State coaching legend Woody Hayes, who was fired after punching a Clemson player during the 1978 Gator Bowl. Well, this incident wasn't anything close to that, but neither does the College Football Czar believe that Smart had no idea what he had done until after the game, as he claims. The coach displayed no animosity toward Van Buren, whom he pushed out of the way while trying to have words with somebody else. Perhaps he only saw the QB out of the corner of his eye, and didn't realize he was an opposing player, but he sure as heck knew he was manhandling somebody. If he didn't, and he really only became aware of his own actions when he saw them on video, then he must be turning into Mickey Rourke in Angel Heart. Granted, that's not as bad as being Mickey Rourke in real life, but it's pretty bad.

Texas 23, Georgia 17

Alabama at Tennessee

Iamaleava fe-ava seems to have subsided a bit, as the ballyhooed freshman quarterback has gone two games without throwing a touchdown pass. Take away an opening 314-yard, three-TD game against Division I-AA Chattanooga, and he has actually played rather freshmanly, averaging 181 yards, with four TDs and three picks, through five games against I-A competition.

They're fit to be Tide in Tuscaloosa, where they had to foil a late two-pointer to avoid overtime in a 27-25 escape against South Carolina. For the second game in a row, Bama was outgained by a presumably inferior team, the first time being their 40-35 upset loss to Vanderbilt, of course.

Last time these teams met in Knoxville, the Vols snapped a 15-game losing streak in the series by booting a last-second field goal to win, 52-49. The biggest difference between that game and this one is that they were led by veteran quarterback Hendon Hooker, now with the Detroit Lions.

It's a little-known fact that the reason Iamaleava came all the way from Long Beach to Tennessee is that he figured he'd be right at home, playing for a team called the Vowels.

Alabama 35, Tennessee 22

Michigan at Illinois

As Illinois native Eliot Ness would tell the Fighting Illini, never stop fighting until the fight is done. The U of I forgot that lesson while leading Purdue 27-3 in the third quarter, before surrendering 40 second-half points. They trailed late, but booted a tying field goal at the last second to force overtime, and then thwarted an ill-considered Boilermaker two-pointer in the extra frame to survive a 50-49 fright.

First-year Wolverine head coach Sherrone Moore has named seventh-year quarterback Jack Tuttle as the starter, even though he had his struggles in the second half of a 27-17 loss to Washington. As a team, the maize and blue are fourth from last in the nation in passing, ahead of triple-option teams Army and Air Force, and Conference USA also-ran New Mexico State.

Bulldozing Illini running back Kaden Feagin did not play last week because of a leg injury, which coach Bret Bielema said would keep him out of the lineup "for a little bit." Josh McCray, who is not terribly much smaller at 6-1, 235, carried the load against the Boilermakers for 78 yards and two TDs on 16 attempts.

Ness never made any secret of where his Big Ten loyalties lie. He's just a lot of talk and a badger.

Illinois 14, Michigan 13

LSU at Arkansas

After toppling Tennessee, the Razorbacks really didn't need an idle week. Now they return to action against a Tiger team that's on a tear, having just taken down Ole Miss, 29-26 in overtime. The Hogs have won only one of the past eight games in this rivalry, which had traditionally been played in November until last season.

Louisiana State is in the thick of the SEC race with a conference record of 2-0, but they'd better add another one to the W-column while they have the upperhand, because their next two games are at Texas A&M and at home against Alabama. Garrett Nussmeier has climbed up to #6 in the nation in passing yardage, but the downside of his increased aggression is that he has been picked off twice in each of the last two games.

Razorback QB Taylen Greene had a big year for Boise State in 2022, but he found himself in a year-long battle for the starting job last season, and now, since transferring to Fayetteville, his completion percentage and TD-to-INT ratio have both declined for a second year in a row.

The College Football Czar must confess that he doesn't understand why people call pigs by yelling "sooie," if they're just going to follow it up with "pig" anyway. If the pigs can understand the word "pig," then why bother to preface it with a made up word that doesn't mean anything? Perhaps it's just because you can't win a pig calling contest by yelling, "Hey pig, c'mere!"

LSU 45, Arkansas 29

Nebraska at Indiana

The Hoosiers' record of 3-0 in Big Ten play and 6-0 overall is identical to those of Penn State and Oregon, but the similarities end there. IU has yet to face any team that currently has a winning record, a trend that ends this week against the 5-1 Cornhuskers.

The N-men Nocked off Rutgers 14-7 in Week 6, keeping the Scarlet Knights off the scoreboard until only four minutes remained in the game. The supposedly improving offense gained three yards fewer than the opposition, though, and was shut out for the entire second half.

Legend has it that nobody knows what a Hoosier is, but that isn't true. We know this because one existed in mascot form, back in 1979. "Mr. Hoosier Pride" was a foam-headed, big-chinned galoot with a red cowboy hat and a striped jacket, who roamed the sideline throughout that 8-4 season. In spite of the team posting its best record in twelve years, Mr. Hoosier Pride was retired during the offseason, due to extreme public hostility. You'll understand the reason for it if you ever see a picture of him, because he looked more than a little bit like Lane Kiffin.

Nebraska 27, Indiana 20

UNLV at Oregon State

The Beavers play their second game in a row against the Silver Staters, having been upset at home by Nevada a week ago, 42-37. OSU had better hope that wasn't the real Gevani McCoy they saw in that game, because the junior quarterback threw four interceptions, including one that was run back 52 yards for a touchdown in the fourth quarter.

Since the departure of discount quarterback Matthew Sluka, the Rebel offense has been in good hands with Hajj-Malik Williams, who is completing 77 percent of his passes, with nine TDs and only one interception for the season. Their defense has deteriorated, though, allowing 1,076 yards in the past two games.

Nevada-Las Vegas thwarted the Pac 12's attempt at a complete takeover of the Mountain West. That's quite a gamble. Now, both conferences are scrambling for expansion teams, with the future MWC currently consisting of only Air Force, Hawaii, Nevada, New Mexico, San Jose State, UNLV, Wyoming, and new member UTEP. The revamped Pac 12 is now made up of Oregon State, Washington State, Boise State, Colorado State, Fresno State, Utah State and San Diego State. For Vegas to stand in the way of a merger makes about as much sense as betting that people will go to A's games.

Oregon State 49, UNLV 44

Miami at Louisville

Controversial calls have gone the Hurricanes' way in each of their previous two games. The Czar thought Virginia Tech's Hail Mary was all but certainly incomplete, but he didn't see any evidence on the replay to justify reversing the call. During the Canes' big comeback at Cal a week later, a targeting penalty might have allowed the Golden Bears to escape, but the seemingly obvious penalty went uncalled.

Cardinal RB Isaac Brown was golden last week, when he toasted Virginia for 146 yards and two touchdowns. The freshman became his team's number one back during a Week 5 loss to Notre Dame, and has since had the first two 100-yard games of his career.

In that California game, the Miami rally was led by wide receiver Xavier Restrepo, who dashed for 163 yards on seven receptions. Restrepo, who is named after the sixth and least famous Marx Brother, was not allowed into the end zone because he had forgotten to say "swordfish."

Miami 26, Louisville 21

Notre Dame at Georgia Tech

This game is being taken out of the elements to be played at Mercedes-Benz Stadium, which the College Football Czar's regular readers know he loathes. Fighting Irish fans probably like it a little better, as the golden domers feel right at home with a roof over their heads, with an all-time record of 8-1 in regular season indoor games. This does not include a 1-5 mark in indoor bowl games, but those tend to be situations in which the perennially overrated Irish are overmatched, which surely is not the case here.

It's not at all clear that the Yellowjackets really meant to beat North Carolina last week. Having given up the tying score with only 44 seconds left in regulation time, Tech looked content to go to overtime, until Jamal Haynes broke a 68-yard touchdown run to deliver a 41-34 victory. With that win, the Jackets (5-2, 3-2) can become bowl eligible with one more W, but their remaining schedule, which includes Miami and Georgia, won't make that easy.

Among the things that stink about retractable domes is the fact that they are almost never retracted, but perhaps this will be an exception. Maybe Number One Moses will make the trip down from South Bend and part the roof for us.

Notre Dame 23, Georgia Tech 13

North Texas at Memphis

The Mean Green have started 5-1 while averaging 40.5 points per game, but now they face as tough a stretch of conference games as is possible in the American Athletic Conference, following this visit to Liberty Stadium with games against Tulane and Army.

MU squelched South Florida 21-3, in an originally scheduled Friday game that was delayed a day, and moved from Tampa to Orlando for obvious reasons. Only a 52-yard field goal by the Bulls kicker (Gramatica, as if you didn't know) prevented the Tigers from recording a shutout.

Why the Mean Green? It's not easy being green, and that drippy song rubbing it in on them really ticks them off.

Memphis 30, North Texas 18

Wisconsin at Northwestern

The Madison Reds ran roughshod over Rutgers 42-7, behind a 309-yard attack by a backfield that averaged 6.6 per carry. Senior tailback Tawee Walker set a career high with 198 rushing yards, while recording his second three-TD game in a row.

The Wildcats picked up their first Big Ten win last Friday, when they collected four takeaways, and also stopped Maryland on downs three times, in a 37-10 thrashing. Wide receiver Bryce Kirtz gained 123 yards on only three receptions. The senior had only exceeded the 100-yard mark once in four years, but now he has done it in back-to-back games.

Have you seen a game yet from the Cats' temporary home at Lenny and Shirley Martin Stadium? If they play "Jump Around" in that place, half of the crowd will end up in the lake.

Wisconsin 34, Northwestern 24

Virginia at Clemson

The Paw Boys have been piling on the shrimp, as they have feasted upon the lesser teams in the ACC, but now they sink their teeth into the meat of their schedule. The Tigers' first four conference foes have got a combined league record of 3-11, whereas the four that remain (Virginia, Louisville, Va. Tech and Pitt) are 7-3.

The Cavaliers better hope Anthony Colandrea doesn't strain himself. The sophomore scrambler almost singlehandedly kept them in the game against Louisville, as he led the team in rushing with 84 yards, to go along with 279 through the air.

UVa lost its first 29 games in this series with the Son of Clem, in which it now has a record of 8-40-1. One might have expected it to be one of their closer games when they met for the ACC championship in 2019, but Trevor Lawernce and the Tigers torched them that day for 619 yard, in a 62-17 scorching.

If a sandwich that's loaded with shrimp is inexpensive enough for a po boy, is it really a good idea to eat it? It sounds as if one would be inviting Sam and Ella over for dinner.

Clemson 42, Virginia 30

Colorado at Arizona

Buffalo WR/CB Travis Hunter left last week's 31-28 loss to Kansas State in the second quarter with a shoulder injury. He is expected to play this week, but how much and how well, we will see. With receivers Jimmy Hornjr and Omarion Miller also injured, it's a bad time to be a team that doesn't like to run the ball.

The Wildcats (3-3, 1-2) have a favorable second half schedule, but they're one loss away from being all but mathematically eliminated from a chance to win a conference title for which they expected to contend. In last week's 41-19 defeat at BYU, Noah Fifita frew free interceptions, while completing only half of his 52 pass attempts.

Coach Prime's team has two mascots, a live buffalo named Ralphie, and a student in a costume named Chip. So when you hear that they are playing with a chip on their shoulder, that can only slow them down, though not nearly as much as if they had a ralphie on their shoulder. Good thing there's no such figure of speech as that.

Colorado 28, Arizona 27

Arizona State at Cincinnati

ASU made the sun set on Cam Rising, roughing up the already injured Utah quarterback in a 27-19 Friday night victory. On offense, when RB Cam Skattebo said boo, defenders scattered, as he broke two long touchdown runs, and extended himself to make a clutch reception to continue a fourth-quarter drive.

The Sun Devils have an injured quarterback of their own. Sam Leavitt left last week's game with a rib injury, leaving former Georgia Tech and Nebraska QB Jeff Sims to finish up. The fifth-year senior has thrown almost as many interceptions as touchdowns in his career, and never has become as productive as a runner as his freshman stats might have suggested.

Bearcat QB Brendan Sorsby could stand to clean his palate, because last week's performance at Central Florida has to have left a bad taste in his mouth. He still helped his team pull out a 19-13 victory, but only after throwing two interceptions, and needing 25 completions to gain 241 yards.

If the devil is coming to Cincinnati to collect from Pete Rose, he's a little late.

And that gag is a little soon. Oh, well.

Cincinnati 17, Arizona State 14

Nc State at California

Cal coach Justin Wilcox wittily went for two after the opening touchdown at Pitt, unsuccessfully. The Golden Bears didn't reach the end zone again until the fourth quarter, where a far more necessary two-pointer failed also, leaving them on the short end of a 17-15 final. Lardheadedly, Wilcox explained, "Statistically, you're going to get one out of two." Perhaps, but his chances of successfully kicking both extra points was far greater, so why gamble with one of those points when you don't know how the score will stack up at the end of the game?

The Wolfpack offensive attack was expected to keep them in contention in the ACC, but so far, they're third-worst in the league in total yardage, ahead of only Stanford and Florida State. They managed to roll up 411 total yards last week against Syracuse, but undid much of that by committing the game's only three turnover, and lost, 24-17.

Bear cornerback Nohl Williams now leads the nation with six interceptions, only one short of equaling the most that anybody recorded all of last year, except that he still has half a season left to go. His next pick will also give him as many INTs in one season as he had in his previous four.

There can only be one explanation for California now being on the Atlantic Coast. Climate change! Eek! Everybody stop doing everything, immediately!

California 23, Nc State 19

The College Football Czar

a sports publication from The Shinbone