The Original College Football Czar

Week 17

Week sixteen in review: At least the first-round CFP games were better than they were last season, thanks to Alabama's exciting Friday night victory in a revenge game at Arkansas. Unfortunately, the Saturday playoffs consisted of one terribly played but competitive game, and two games that were not competitive. It might be tempting to blame the wind for the quality of Miami's 10-3 win at Texas A&M, but the College Football Czar isn't buying it. He remembers how much more severe the wind was at Oregon State's 3-0 win against Pitt in the 2008 Sun Bowl, but football history has not used the conditions to excuse those teams for their poor performances.

The biggest winner in last weekend's playoff games was the home crowds, which created a great atmosphere for every one of them, even though the on-field results largely did not comply. The Czar thinks this will accelerate a move to a non-neutral-site playoff format, inevitably accompanied by the demise of the bowl games. A crowd for a bowl game can be exciting, too, but only once per team per season. Any fans who traveled from Alabama or Miami for the first-round games are unlikely to hit the road again for a neutral-site quarterfinal, let alone a third time for a neutral-site semifinal.

A milestone in the progression of the corruption of sports was passed late last Saturday in Eugene, where James Madison scored early in the fourth quarter to trail Oregon 48-26, and went for two. The College Football Czar doesn't like to even know what the betting lines are, but it was unavoidable in the run-up to this game. He believes the Dukes attempted the two-pointer in order to beat the spread, rather than for any reason having to do with the outcome of the football game. It would be easy for lame duck JMU coach Bob Chesney to deny this, analytics providing a convenient alibi, but by all appearances this was a coaching decision that was dictated by gambling. Shame on the Duck defense for giving up a late 99-yard drive to trim the final margin to 17. The Czar trusts they'll throw a parade over this in Harrisonburg now. To paraphrase Herm Edwards, "You play to lose the game by fewer than twenty and a half points."

It turns out that fired Michigan head coach Sherrone Moore's offenses are far worse than the Czar had supposed. He has now been charged with third-degree home invasion, breaking and entering, and stalking in a domestic relationship. If the unconfirmed details are anywhere close to being true, the listing of those offenses is scarcely sufficient to describe them.

While Moore's alleged criminal behavior is surprising, his instability is not, at least not if you remember his postgame interview after a 2023 win over Penn State, for which he served as interim coach during Jim Harbaugh's suspension. The man was a total emotional basket case. The way he uncontrollably bawled, you'd have thought he had just witnessed a freak helicopter accident. He praised the Lord, and then dropped an f-bomb immediately afterward, before hugging one of his players and running away. Fox sideline reporter Jenny Taft deserved hazard pay for daring to stay within microphone range of him all the way until his abrupt departure. The truth be known, people have been tranquilizer-darted over less.

Navy's one-point win over Army adds one to the W-column for the Czar's regular season record, which finishes at 176-105, for a .626 winning percentage.

Dec. 27

Military Bowl -- Annapolis -- 11AM (ESPN)

East Carolina (8-4) vs. Pitt (8-4)

Last postseason, the Panthers' roster was so ravaged that they were down to their fourth and fifth-string quarterbacks in a 6OT loss to Toledo in the Game Above Sports Bowl. This time, it appears that their starting lineup will be basically intact. These non-ACC games mean a little bit more to Pat Narduzzi's players than they do to him, evidently.

In spite of the fact that the transfer portal doesn't open until after New Year's this season, ECU quarterback Katin Houser has opted out, simply because he intends to transfer when he gets the chance Got that? He isn't leaving his team because he has to enter the portal now or risk missing an opportunity. He has just decided not to count himself among the East Carolina Pirates anymore, so phooey on them. By kickoff, we'll probably be told that he has to "prepare for" the transfer portal, and we'll be treated to yet another round of the "you can't blame the players" chorus. Sadly, there will be no shortage of teams that are willing to welcome him. When are coaches going to wise up, and stop inviting this kind of attitude into their locker rooms?

The most experienced QB the Pirates have left is Mike Wrightjr, a scrambling journeyman who's not a very accurate passer. Considering that the Panther defense is #9 in the nation against the run but #104 against the pass, don't be surprised Carolina coach Blake Harrell opts for freshman Chaston Ditta instead.

The Pirates will miss Houser's arm, but perhaps they'll be a tougher team without him. The guy is named like a teen actress on the Hallmark Family Channel. He'd better watch that his hair doesn't get mussed as he whooshes through the portal.

Pitt 30, East Carolina 13

Pinstripe Bowl -- New York -- Noon (ABC)

Clemson (7-5) vs. Penn State (6-6)

Strange there's not much of a history between these two clubs, with only one meeting preceding this one, and that also in the postseason. In the Florida Citrus Bowl to end the 1987 campaign, Joe Paterno took an uncharacteristically bad bowl game defeat by a final of 35-10.

The Nittany Lions can thank their namby-pamby nonconference schedule for their bowl eligibility, but they have also won their last three Big Ten games, and most of their losses don't look so bad in hindsight. PSU nearly knocked off Oregon and Indiana, and one-point disappointments against Iowa and Northwestern are no disgrace. Okay, so that UCLA game, now that's a disgrace.

The Tiger defense is average in terms of total yardage allowed, but it has held its opponents to just 20.4 points per game, which is second-best in the ACC next to Miami. Sophomore safety Ricardo Jones has, howyousay, crazygonuts, with a conference-leading six interceptions.

As of this writing, one of the PSU senior running backs has opted out to "prepare for the draft," and surprisingly, it's Nicholas Singleton, who only has 549 rushing yards this season, with a pedestrian average of 4.5 per carry. 1,303-yard rusher Kaytron Allen and his 6.2 per carry average are still expected to play. Obviously, this means Singleton will be drafted ahead of him, because he'll be, you know, better prepared.

Clemson 21, Penn State 16

Fenway Bowl -- Boston -- 2:15 (ESPN)

Army (6-6) vs. Uconn (9-3)

Does anybody besides the College Football Czar wish Army and Navy would stick to their regular uniforms when they play each other? For this year's game, the Black Knights looked as if they had raided the laundry basket of conference foe Rice, while their opponents from Annapolis wore copper-coated helmets peppered with indiscernible doo-dads that were supposedly meaningful. It's not an effective tribute if viewers can't see and understand what it is. How about paying tribute to those who came before them by wearing their standard, timeless uniforms, and simply being themselves?

The Knights have fallen to .500 with that bitter 17-16 to their arch rivals in Baltimore. It was their second one-point setback of the season, to go along with a pair of losses in overtime. Mind you, their wins have been less than emphatic, also, four of them being by three points or fewer.

Not many of the Huskies' nine victories have been very impressive, but they did defeat the Duke team that went on, incredibly enough, to win the ACC championship. Senior QB and Williamsport native Joe Fagnano did not pitch like a little leaguer that day, as he plunked the team from Durham (including its mascot) for 316 yards and three touchdowns, with no picks.

The Czar erred recently in referring to the Husky head coach as Jim Morajr, when he's not really a junior. In fact, Jim the Elder has the middle initial E, whereas his son is Jim L. Mora, or at least he was until he decided to get the L out of town. The fourth-year coach of the Conn Men has cut himself a better deal with Colorado State, leaving behind a record of 27-23 in West Hartford, after going 46-30 in six years at UCLA. Offensive coordinator Gordon Sammis, who enjoys an occasional sammich, will be the interim coach for this game before becoming the OC at TCU, where they think he's all that and a bag of chips.

Uconn 28, Army 25

Pop Tarts Bowl -- Orlando -- 3:30 (ABC)

Brigham Young (11-2) vs. Georgia Tech (9-3)

The Cougars can't let themselves be let down, after briefly expecting to be matched against Notre Dame in what would have been the biggest bowl game of the season. Replacing that opponent with a team that took a 1-3 tumble in November must not have exactly been what they had in mind.

Tech's only win in its last four games was a 36-34 nailbiter against a last-place Boston College team. Prior to losing a 16-9 snooze against Georgia in the dome, it looked as if they had been playing arena football, with that BC win in between track meet defeats against Nc State and Pitt.

BYU's late opening-day replacement QB has held up well over the course of the season. Freshman Bear Bachmeier needs 240 passing yards to surpass Jake Retzlaff's total from a year ago, and he has only been intercepted half as often.

The trophy presentation for this game consists in part of the ceremonial toasting of an anthropomorphic Pop Tart, who is then eaten by the winning team. What's the message here, exactly, that cannibalism would be okay if only people were tastier? It's kind of like an NC-17-rated reboot of a Sid & Marty Krofft Saturday morning show, which will probably be coming to you on Netflix any day now.

Brigham Young 27, Georgia Tech 17

Arizona Bowl -- Tucson -- 4:30 (CW)

Miami OH (7-6) vs. Fresno State (8-4)

For the second year, this game is billed as the Snoop Dogg Arizona Bowl, which makes the College Football Czar wonder: do the college kids still think Snoop is cool these days, or is he just like a less talented version of Bobby McFerrin now?

Prior to last season, the game was sponsored and broadcast for two years by Barstool Sports, and if you missed it, consider yourself fortunate. If curiosity has gotten the better of you, you can still catch Dave Portnoy and friends (and that's a figure of speech, because there's no way they really like each other) on Waking Up Barstool, weekday mornings on FS1. To his surprise, the Czar must admit that he finds it quite educational. For example, he has learned from it that lard is a potent medium for the cultivation of facial hair. Bet you didn't know that.

For a middling, 24-year-old MAC quarterback with a history of injuries to abandon his teammates in mid-November under the assumption that he is NFL-bound makes about as much sense as Martha Stewart doing a shoot for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. That's the kind of nonsense the RedHawks have to deal with, though, and they were unable to do so in a 23-13 conference championship loss to Western Michigan. In Finn's absence, QBs Henry Hesson and Thomas Gotkowski combined to go 14-for-38.

You can count on Al'Zillion Hamilton all day long. Unless he opts out, that is. The senior cornerback leads the second-rated pass defense in the Mountain West, which was the key to the Bulldogs' dominant 30-7 victory on the blue turf of Boise State in Week 10.

I mean really. Martha Stewart is neither a man nor is she obese. What would SI want with her?

Fresno State 20, Miami OH 3

New Mexico Bowl -- Albuquerque -- 5:45 (ESPN)

San Diego State (9-3) vs. North Texas (11-2)

This classic contrast of styles pits UNT's nation-leading offense against an SDSU defense that has shut out three opponents and held four others to a single score apiece. Neither side has ended the regular season on a high note, however. The Aztecs have been beaten the last two times they've strayed from San Diego. Meanwhile, the Mean Green QB Drew Mestemaker has been making more mestemakes as the season has gone on. The freshman from Austin still leads all QBs with 4,129 passing yards, but he now has seven interceptions after throwing none for the first five games.

As of this writing, there are conflicting reports over whether Mestemaker will see this season through before entering the transfer portal. Here's hoping the teenager makes a more mature decision than many other players who are several years his senior. Speculation is that he will follow head coach Eric Morris to Oklahoma State, which sounds like a sound move. For this game, however, Mestemaker is still a Meanie, even if Morris has been hired away.

Aztec coach Sean Lewis goes to a bowl game in his second season in San Diego, after taking Kent State to two bowls in five seasons. In fact, that stretch includes the COVID-marred 2020 season, in which the Golden Flashes went 3-1 with an abbreviated schedule, and did not play in a bowl game. Three non-losing seasons out of five at KSU was a record the likes of which that program hadn't seen since the 1970s.

New Mexico calls itself the Land of Enchantment, but considering the quality of college football in that state over the decades, you don't really want to hear the things they enchant.

San Diego State 25, North Texas 22

Gator Bowl -- Jacksonville (the real one) -- 7:30 (ABC)

Missouri (8-4) vs. Virginia (10-3)

In the ACC championship game, the Cavaliers committed a roughing the passer penalty on Duke's overtime touchdown, which meant their own possession started at the 40-yard-line instead of the 25. That would still be excellent starting field position in regulation time, certainly no cause for throwing caution to the wind on a low-percentage gadget play. Chandler Morris pitched the ball to running back J'Mari Taylor, who turned and threw a backward pass right back to Morris, who by then was on the UVa side of midfield. Either because of the slow development of the play, or the pressure of having to make the gamble pay off, Morris forced the ball into double coverage and was intercepted.

A year ago, quarterback Beau Pribula caused a ruckus by transferring out of a Penn State program that was on its way into the playoffs. After one season at Mizzou, he has decided to move on again, except of course that the calendar does not demand that he do it at this time. Even though he was a starter this year, his absence should not be as much of a factor. Since coming back from an ankle injury two games ago, he had picked up right where he left off, which wasn't good. In his last four games, going back to early October, he has thrown no TD passes and four interceptions. Freshman Matt Zollers saw significant action in three SEC games this season, including a scrappy performance in a tough 17-10 loss at Vanderbilt.

You'll sometimes hear it said of a player that he runs like he has a piano on his back. Well, you can't say that about Mizzou RB Ahmad Hardy, probably because the piano moving business didn't work out so well for him and Stanley many years ago. The sophomore streaker needs an even 100 yards to overtake Cam Cook of Jacksonville state for the NCAA lead in rushing.

In the old days, the Gator Bowl logo featured an alligator punting a football. Apparently, it was decided at some point that a punt just didn' advertise excitement. But it was an alligator! If an alligator had ever really punted a football, people would be watching punting alligator videos on YouTube when they're supposed to be working.

Missouri 16, Virginia 13

Texas Bowl -- Houston -- 9:15 (ESPN)

LSU (7-5) vs. Houston (9-3)

Not every SEC team has an overwhelming strength of schedule, but the Bayou Bengals did this year. Their losses have been to four playoff teams and Vanderbilt. Conversely, UH has played only one opponent of that caliber, and was utterly uncompetitive in a 35-11 loss to Texas Tech.

Cougar quarterback Connor Weigman had an eggy-wegg in the INT column in most of his games for the first two-thirds of the season. In November, however, he was picked off seven times in four games. He and his droogs will have to make up their rassoodocks what to do about that.

The College Football Czar does not want it to appear as if he were celebrating Tiger QB Garrett Nussmeier's abdominal muscle injury, but it is weirdly refreshing to see a star player have a legitimate reason not to play in his bowl game. Fortunately, he has an experienced sophomore backup in Michael Van Buren, no relation to our eighth president, Dick Van Dyke.

Upon further review, it was Martin Van Buren who was the eighth President of the United States. Dick Van Dyke voted for him, though.

LSU 25, Houston 14

Dec. 29

Birmingham Bowl -- um, Birmingham -- 2:00 (ESPN)

Appalachian State (5-7) vs. Georgia Southern (6-6)

For the third time ever, two teams from the same conference meet in a bowl game, but this is the first time it results in a rematch of a regular season game. The Eagles eked out a 25-23 win over App State in Week 11, when quarterback J.C. Frenchiv threw for a season-high 352 yards.

Seven other 5-7 teams turned down an offer to play here against GASO before the Mountaineers finally accepted. That's okay, because 31 NFL teams took a pass on Shedeur Sanders, and now they're, um, still indifferent. Sorry, bad example.

Seriously, the teams that turned down one of these lucky loser bids do not deserve the kind of antipathy that is rightly being directed at Notre Dame, Kansas State and Iowa State. When a team has ended the year with the understanding that it is bowl-ineligible, and the players have already said their goodbyes, it's not unreasonable that it would decline the invitation to get back together and prolong a losing season. That's not nearly the same thing as a legitimate bowl-eligible team, for which a berth has already been reserved, selfishly telling its fans, its conference, and the football-watching world that it doesn't give a bottom burp about them.

As long as this game isn't named after a corporate sponsor, they ought to name it the Vulcan Bowl, and award a trophy that's a miniature of the city's famous statue of Vulcan. It could be engraved with the inscription, "Live long and shazbot."

What. Isn't that how that goes?

Georgia Southern 54, Appalachian State 35

Dec. 30

Independence Bowl -- Shreveport -- 2:00 (ESPN)

Coastal Carolina (6-6) vs. Louisiana Tech (7-5)

Anybody who loves college football would be reluctant to admit there are too many bowl games, but a bowl game is supposed to be a reward for a good season. CCU was a bad enough team to fire head coach Tim Beck, so why are they here? The Chanticleers have lost five games each by 38 points or more.

The Bulldogs have clinched their first winning season since impetuously ousting coach Skip Holtz after the 2021 season. Sonny Cumbie has finally come through with the goods after three bad seasons, during which he went 11-26. His record does include one bowl victory, however. In 2021, he took over at Texas Tech after the firing of Matt Wells and won the Liberty Bowl in a blowout against Mississippi State.

If the running back named Clay Thevenin feels like a number, that probably means he's feeling pretty good. The LTU sophomore leads his team with 605 rushing yards and eight touchdowns, while adding another 251 yards on 29 receptions.

All things being relative, the people of Shreveport, Louisiana will probably think this is great football, because their city was home to the worst team in Canadian Football League history. No, really. Look it up.

Louisiana Tech 42, Coastal Carolina 22

Music City Bowl -- Nashville -- 5:30 (ESPN)

Illinois (8-4) vs. Tennessee (8-4)

The Illini think it's only right that they challenge the Tennesseans for the title of Music City champions, since they hail from the home state of the Blues Brothers. The real ones, that is. Not the bastardized Blues Brothers 2000, by which time they had morphed into a sort of a fat Menudo.

Volunteer quarterback Joey Aguilar has thrown for 1,516 more yards than Nico Iamaleava has at UCLA, with a TD-to-INT margin that's more than twice as great. Does that mean he's worth a lot more than the $4 million the Bruins are paying his predecessor? Head coach Josh Heupel hopes not to find out.

It may come as a surprise that the Fighting Illini have the third-worst pass defense in the 18-team Big Ten. That liability hasn't hurt them as much as it might, because they play in a run-heavy conference, but this is not the I-deal postseason matchup for them.

It's a wonder the U of I is as competitive as it is, considering that it has a built-in recruiting disadvantage. If Illini is plural, then an individual player would be an Illinus, and nobody wants to be called a thing like that.

Tennessee 31, Illinois 24

Alamo Bowl -- San Antonio -- 9:00 (ABC)

USC (9-3) vs. TCU (8-4)

It looks like the Horned Frogs have gotten themselves mixed up in the wrong historical battle. Whatever would Maximilian's mariachi band be doing at the Alamo?

Texas Christian quarterback Josh Hoover may have gotten great marks for most of the semester. The way he's approaching the finals, however, Hoover doesn't even deserve four Cs and an F. With his team headed to a big game for which lots of fans will be traveling from Fort Worth, the nation's seventh-leading passer has decided he doesn't need to honor his current commitment. A fine example he sets.

His counterpart with the Trojans, Jayden Maiava, trails him slightly in total yardage, but he has thrown five fewer interceptions. Back in the pre-portal days when the group-of-fivers weren't just farm clubs, the former UNLV quarterback could have made the Rebels a BCS-buster.

We ain't fraida no BCS.

Sorry.

USC 45, TCU 21

Dec. 31

ReliaQuest Bowl -- Tampa -- Noon (ESPN)

Iowa (8-4) vs. Vanderbilt (10-2)

Commodore QB Diego Pavia's response to his second-place Heisman finish is an example of the incessant demand for individual recognition that has become so detrimental to the game. Pavia, who apparently thought the ceremony was a costume party to which he went as Omar from Scarface, posted on Instagram "F-ALL THE VOTERS," with a thumbs-down emoji.

He has since been shamed into apologizing, but before long this kind of behavior will be the norm, even at formal events like the Heisman presentation. It's the inevitable result of treating unsportsmanlike conduct as if it were a constitutional right. It has no doubt been impressed upon Pavia that the Heisman winner, Indiana quarterback Fernando Mendoza, had a fairly good day against this hard-hitting Hawkeye defense, passing for 233 yards. He'd better not worry about trying to outplay a player who's not on the field, and concern himself instead with the eleven guys across the line of scrimmage.

The Iowa offense did not improve as dramatically as expected this year. If it had, the Hawkeyes would be in a far better game than this one, perhaps even the playoffs. Their losses to Iowa State, Indiana, Oregon and USC have been by a combined total of only 15 points.

According to its website, the ReliaQuest Bowl is celebrating ts 40th anniversary. That's pretty impressive, considering that ReliaQuest is a cybersecurity company. Of what did cybersecurity consist in 1986? Somebody touches your TI-99 and you smash your boombox over his head?

Iowa 24, Vanderbilt 23

Sun Bowl -- El Paso -- 2:00 (CBS)

Duke (8-5) vs. Arizona State (8-4)

In his very long collegiate career, Sun Devil QB Jeff Sims has thrown 38 touchdown passes and 34 interceptions. In a way, it's good to see him getting a few starts before he finally runs out of eligibility, but how does a guy even get enough playing time to compile stats like those?

What the College Football Czar wrote about Alabama last week goes for the Blue Devils, too. Whether they belonged in the ACC championship and whether they could win it were two different questions. They really didn't have any business playing for a league title, which makes their protestations against being left out of the CFP sound as silly as they are. Instead, they're in a bowl game for which they're good enough, and for that they should be grateful.

The full title of this game is the Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl, and it promises to be, as Tony would say, "sufficient." You see, he's not allowed to say "Grrreat!" anymore, because that catchword has been too effective in selling his ultra-processed poison to the unsuspecting children. If he violates this prohibition, he has been threatened with deportation to Wales, which wouldn't be so bad except that tigers don't come from there.

Q: Why was Tony the Tiger chosen to be the mascot of a bowl game?

A: Because Tupac Shakur was not available.

Duke 37, Arizona State 24

Citrus Bowl -- Tampa -- 3:00 (ESPN)

Michigan (9-3) vs. Texas (9-3)

The Wolverines have rid themselves of their psychotic coach and replaced him with a guy named Francis. Why does this not sound promising? Interim coach Francis Xavier Poggi, better known as Biff, went 2-0 as head coach earlier this year when Sherrone Moore was suspended, but he was only 6-16 during a brief stint at Charlotte.

When Steve Sarkisian says that his team might no longer schedule big nonconference games because the CFP committee did not value schedule strength, he is speaking through his opposite orifice. The only reason the Longhorns are even ranked as high as #13 with three losses is because they played such a tough schedule. In other words, the committee did reward them for scheduling Ohio State, even though they lost. When you only lose two or three games, it matters who the opponents were, and losses to OSU and Georgia are not that damaging. Had the Horns' third loss been to Oklahoma or Vanderbilt, Sark would have an argument, but it was to a Florida team that finished 4-8.

The coach may be convinced his team is good enough to contend for the national championship, but he can't really believe it has earned a shot. What he sees is an Alabama team that missed the playoff last year and whined about it, and was apparently rewarded this season, even though it doesn't belong in the playoff either. So, he's engaging in rhetorical hostage-taking, by which he threatens to punish the fans with a weaker schedule if he doesn't get that same kind of satisfaction.

Before New Year's college football was ruined, this used to be one of the early games in a day-long binge, during which fans wouldn't get off their carcasses for twelve hours other than to go to the fridge. Just in case you were wondering why they call it the "Sit Your S Bowl."

Texas 19, Michigan 9

Las Vegas Bowl -- Las Vegas, as luck would have it -- 3:30 (ESPN)

Nebraska (7-5) vs. Utah (10-2)

One of the advantages of bowl games is that they tend to produce more competitive matchups than early-round playoff games do, but this is an exception. The College Football Czar is not sure how the Utes fell this far down the pecking order when they finished third in the Big XII. One would have thought that would get them into the Holiday Bowl against SMU, or the Texas Bowl against LSU.

In addition to having the matchup in its favor, UU will be playing to send head coach Kyle Whittingham out with a win. The 21-year Ute has announced his retirement effective after this game, when he will turn the team over to defensive coordinator Morgan Scalley. With a career record of 177-88, with an 11-6 mark in bowl games.

Since chewing in his first performance against UCLA, freshman Cornhusker quarterback T.J. Lateef has lost his bite. In two games, he has completed fewer than half of his passes, while gaining barely more than four yards per attempt.

Lateef is Italian for "the teef." They would not have needed to invent a word for that if they didn't serve their pasta al dente, which is Italian for "not very good."

Utah 35, Nebraska 10

CFP Quarterfinal (Cotton Bowl) -- Arlington, TX -- 7:30 (ESPN)

Miami (11-2) vs. Ohio State (12-1)

Let the arguments begin over whether or not a first-round bye is actually beneficial. A year ago, the lumpy nuts remained fresh while running a four-game gauntlet to the national championship. This time, Sloopy has been hanging on for 24 days since seeing them lose the Big Ten title game to Indiana.

Before and during this game, we are sure to be shown dozens of replays of the controversial pass interference call that helped deliver the 2002 BCS championship to OSU. Partly because of the lateness of the flag, and the reaction of announcer Dan Fouts, most fans were thoroughly convinced that The U got shafted on the call. Indeed, there was little impact between Hurricane defensive back Glenn Sharp and Buckeye receiver Chris Gamble when the pass arrived. What many of the replays don't capture, however, is that Sharp had initiated contact in the front of the end zone, when the ball was already in the air. Whether one agrees with the call or not, the fact remains that it did not end the game, but only forced a second overtime. The College Football Czar caught a segment about this game on an ESPN 30-for-30 show, in which one of the members of that Miami team complained that he had lost focus in the following OT period, because he just couldn't take his mind off that call. Well, whose fault is that?

Perhaps the most noteworthy thing about that famously but probably not really blown call is that it was instrumental in the introduction of instant replay to the officiation of college football. Of course, pass interference is not a reviewable call anywhere in the football universe outside of Canada, so the new rule was utterly irrelevant to the incident that supposedly demonstrated its necessity. It's as if the NCAA rules committee had been taken over by Sarah Brady.

The lumpy nuts have been nuttin if not consistent, allowing no more than 16 points in any game all year long. They could crack a Cane offense which, though prolific, has been prone to turnovers against its better opponents, such as in losses to Louisville and SMU.

If you ask the Czar, The U and THE University both sound a bit insecure about their status as educational institutions.

Ohio State 23, Miami 19

Jan. 1

CFP Quarterfinal (Orange Bowl) -- Miami -- Noon (ESPN)

Oregon (12-1) vs. Texas Tech (12-1)

Curse you, Red Behran. So say all the opponents the Red Raiders have riddled with holes this year when starting QB Behren Morton has been at the controls. With him in the lineup, they are 12-0, outscoring their opponents by an average of 36.3 points. But let's look at common opponents to get a little perspective. Texas Tech beat Oregon State 45-14; Oregon beat Oregon State 41-7. Texas Tech beat Oklahoma State 42-0; Oregon State beat Oklahoma State 69-3. Had the Fighting Ducks faced a lineup that included Kent State, Kansas, Central Florida and West Virginia, they would have won by wide margins also.

In the fourth quarter against James Madison, the webfoots were as complacent as a bunch of rubber ducks in a plastic pond. In the carnival game, every one of them is a winner, sort of. The same won't be true on the gridiron if they play that way in any part of this game against the Raiders. Judging from the postgame interview with coach Dan Lanning, the College Football Czar suspects they won't.

Two years ago in Lubbock, UO had to rally from a nine-point fourth-quarter deficit to take the lead with a minute to play. A subsequent pick-six made the 38-30 final look a bit more comfortable than it really was. Not that there are many players left on either team who remember it.

If these teams merged, they could be the Lubbock Ducks, for whatever that's worth, which is nothing.

Oregon 34, Texas Tech 27

CFP Quarterfinal (Rose Bowl) -- Pasadena -- 4:00 (ESPN)

Alabama (11-3) vs. Indiana (13-0)

If Stephen A. Smith and other lardheads get their way, this game will soon be moved from the most picturesque stadium in the football world to SoFi Stadium in Inglewood. Granted, that's the most picturesque indoor stadium in football, but that isn't saying much. At that point, there would be no more pretentions about this still being the Rose Bowl. It would simply have become a bigger LA Bowl without so much Gronk in it.

The Hoosiers hung on to win the Big Ten title over Ohio State 13-10, but they can't afford to be too impressed with that accomplishment. As last year's playoff demonstrated, a conference championship just isn't that important anymore.

The Crimson Tide had to survive a toss-up game against Oklahoma just to get here, but at least it gave them a chance to scrape off the rust that caused them to creak out to a 17-0 deficit. In a reversal of their regular season game against the Sooners, they were outgained significantly, but took advantage of the game's only turnover, as well as their opponents' poor special teams play.

Hoosier QB Fernando Mendoza might not have been the best pick for the Heisman Trophy, but he handled himself with so much more class than the runner-up did that it's hard to argue. If the College Football Czar had a vote, which of course he never would, he would have cast it for Jeremiyah Love.' The Notre Dame running back probably didn't love the outcome either, but at least he didn't behave like Benny Blanco from the Bronx.

Alabama 13, Indiana 12

CFP Quarterfinal (Sugar Bowl) -- New Orleans -- 8:00 (ESPN)

Ole Miss (12-1) vs. Georgia (12-1)

If the Bulldogs make it all the way to the championship game in Miami, it will be the first time they've seen the outdoors since they last played between the hedges, shortly before Thanksgiving. By then, they might be too preoccupied with barking at the moon to bother playing football.

Back in Athens in Week 8, Gunner Stockton threw his third and fourth TD passes of the game during a 17-point fourth-quarter rally to lead UGA to a 43-35 comeback victory over the Rebs. That Mississippi team turned itself around with a win a week later Oklahoma, and has not been beaten since.

Last week, the Rebels proved to be correct in their coaching decision, as they won without Lane Kiffin against lame duck coach Jon Sumrall and Tulane, 41-10. Obviously, they won't have that advantage against Kirby Smart, who won't be expending his grey matter on some other job.

That phrase, "grey matter," has always struck the College Football Czar as a bit disturbing. It sounds like whoever coined it must have actually seen the stuff.

Georgia 52, Ole Miss 33

Jan. 2

Armed Forces Bowl -- Fort Worth -- 1:00 (ESPN)

Rice (5-7) vs. Texas State (6-6)

One thing the bowl games have gotten right this year is the participation of lots of teams that are within driving range of the venues. With Houston and San Marcos each being well under four hours from Fort Worth, this promises to be a more energetic game than the quality of the participants would dictate.

This will be the second bowl battle between these teams in three years, with the Bobs winning big at the 2023 First Responder Bowl, 45-21. Never mind who responded first, RU stopped responding at all in the second half, during which it was outscored 21-0. That TSU team, which had beaten Baylor in its opener, was clearly superior to this one, though.

Owl quarterback Chase Jenkins was chased from his team's regular season finale against South Florida, and he might have been grateful, as the game unraveled into a 52-3 rout. The Owls have won their only previous game against a Sun Belt Conference opponent, however, in their season opener against Louisiana-Lafayette.

Freshman Bobcat QB Brad Johnson has thrown for 3,050 yards and 18 TDs, and he's also second on his team in rushing with 692 yards, with 16 TDs on the ground. As a lardhead would say, he is "responsible for" 3,742 yards and 34 touchdowns. The College Football Czar has no idea where that euphemism came from. It sounds as if the quarterback affects his own accomplishments indirectly, in the same way that the marble "is responsible for" the cage falling in a game of Mouse Trap.

Strange how the mouse just lets the trap clobber him when he has plenty of time to escape. Who does he think he is, Shedeur Sanders?

Rice 32, Texas State 29

Liberty Bowl -- Memphis -- 4:30 (ESPN)

Navy (10-2) vs. Cincinnati (7-5)

If it's true that showing up is 90 percent of the job, then it's no wonder the military academies are so tough in their bowl games, because their players always show up. Unlike their absentee opponents, they must not have anything important for which to prepare.

At least by this point the transfer portal, for some ridiculous reason or other, will be open. For that reason, Bearcat quarterback Brendan Sorsby is not to blame for skipping this game, unlike all the players who are opting out of bowl games in December. That won't diminish the impact of his absence, however. Even with him in the lineup, UC has dropped four in a row after starting conference play at 5-0.

The winners of the Liberty Bowl get liberty, which means the residents of Memphis must be rooting hard for the Bearcats, because those horny sailors would trash their city. The College Football Czar learned that from a documentary called Mister Roberts.

Navy 27, Cincinnati 14

Duke's Mayo Bowl -- Charlotte -- 8:00 (ESPN)

Mississippi State (5-7) vs. Wake Forest (8-4)

It has become traditional for the winning coach to have mayonnaise poured over his head. Given that negative incentive, it's no wonder they had to scrape the bottom of the jar to come up with a participant that is only 1-7 in conference play this season.

The Bulldogs went 4-0 against pretty good nonconference opposition, on the other hand, including a 24-20 victory over Arizona State on a late long bomb. In fact, they've got pretty good offensive talent, including former Baylor quarterback Blake Shapen, barreling running back Fluff Bothwell, and WR Brenan Thompson, who is third in the SEC with 948 receiving yards.

The Wake defense stifled ACC contenders SMU (13-12) and Virginia (16-7). Any chance the Demon Deacons had of challenging for the league title themselves was dashed in a demoralizing 42-7 defeat at Florida State in Week 10. Unlike MSU, the Deacons did not have a significant challenge on their nonconference slate, which consisted of Oregon State, Kennesaw State, Delaware and Division I-AA Western Carolina.

If there's anything more disgusting than mayonnaise, it's "mayo." The College Football Czar always tries to minimize interactions with people who are on a first-name basis with their condiments.

Mississippi State 35, Wake Forest 23

Holiday Bowl -- San Diego -- 8:00 (FOX)

SMU (8-4) vs. Arizona (9-3)

Why are the Mustangs playing in the Holiday Bowl more than a week after Christmas? Are they Orthodox Methodists?

Cat quarterback Noah Fifita has landed on his feet after freefalling through the 2024 season. This year, he has seven more touchdowns and seven fewer interceptions, and he's 37 yards away from his first 3,000-yard season. This turnaround has led his Wildcats to five consecutive victories, after starting Big XII play at 1-3.

The Mustangs' man behind center, by comparison, passed the 3,000-mark two games ago. Sophomore Kevin Jennings, who led his team to the playoffs last season, is almost certain to finish among the nation's top ten in passing, currently with 3,363 yards. Thanks to his 365 yards in Week 10, Southern Methodist stopped playoff-bound Miami 26-20 in overtime.

Wait a minute! Did somebody just switch seven of Fifita's interceptions into touchdowns? The college football campaign is rigged! Somebody call a pillow salesman, quickly!

SMU 47, Arizona 41

Jan. 8

CFP Semifinal (Fiesta Bowl) -- Glendale, AZ -- 7:30 (ESPN)

Predicted matchup: Georgia vs. Ohio State

In case you're wondering how these playoff games with TBD matchups factor into the College Football Czar's record, he must correctly predict which teams will have advanced from the previous round, and then pick the winner between those teams. Correctly guessing the winner, but against a different opponent, counts for nothing. However, the NCAA has not yet revealed which semifinal matchup will take place in which pseudo-bowl game, and the Czar is not going to hold that against himself. If he correctly predicts an outcome between two particular teams in this round, but they meet in Atlanta instead of Arizona, that would nevertheless go in the W-column. ("Oh, sure, Czar, like we really care about your record. It's all about you, isn't it?") Well, kind of, yeah. Just look at the masthead. Any more lardheaded rhetorical questions that nobody really asked? Good.

Besides, both of these games are being played indoors, so what's the difference? Regardless of differences in design, domes just don't have individual character to them the way that outdoor stadiums do. The Fiesta Bowl is the Peach Bowl is the Sugar Bowl is the Cotton Bowl. The truth be known, if the NCAA secretly moved this game to Ford Field in Detroit, 90 percent of the viewers at home would never know the difference.

In this case, the Czar is supposing that the Bulldogs will be sent out west, rather than given yet another pseudo-home game at Mercedes-Benz Stadium. That might seem counterintuitive to some, because it's kind of a long way to travel just to experience the same gloom they could have had in their home state. Nevertheless, the CFP committee has got enough controversy on its hands without appearing to play favorites with its selection of venues.

These teams last met in a great CFP semifinal that was posing as the Peach Bowl in 2022. The Dogs rallied from a late 38-24 deficit to eke out a 42-41 victory, and advance to a ridiculous national championship game against TCU that was equally memorable for the wrong reasons. That game predated the Buckeyes' current defensive dominance, as they yielded 30 points or more for the fourth time in six games. This year, there has only been one occasion on which they gave up nearly half that many. What's more, that Bulldog passing offense, which rated third in the 14-team SEC three years ago, is now only twelfth out of 16.

Nothing says "fiesta" like a large gathering of people in a gigantic mausoleum in Glendale.

Ohio State 28, Georgia 21

Jan. 9

CFP Semifinal (Peach Bowl) -- Atlanta -- 7:30 (ESPN)

Predicted matchup: Oregon vs. Alabama

There's ad dopey two-part riddle that goes: "Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks." Well, it's not going to be that easy.

The College Football Czar has often illustrated that there is no transitive property of football, so just because he is predicting that Bama will beat #1 Indiana, and the Hoosiers handed UO its only loss, it does not necessarily follow that the pachyderms will prevail over los patos. For one thing, the Crimson Tide's uncharacteristically underperforming ground game means QB Ty Simpson must continue to carry the offense against the nation's #6 pass defense.

Even though the Tide have defeated Auburn and Oklahoma, the fact remains that they got tossed around in the trenches in each of their last three games, including an ugly 28-7 loss to Georgia for the conference championship. That makes this an ideal matchup for Dan Lanning's Ducks, who have been hearing since long before he got there that they lack the toughness to beat the best in the SEC.

The real reason ducks have webbed feet is to catch flies. Coincidentally, that's the same reason SEC student athletes sit around with their mouths open.

Oregon 24, Alabama 13

Jan. 19

CFP Championship -- Miami -- 7:30 (ESPN)

Predicted matchup: Oregon vs. Ohio State

The Fighting Ducks have performed terribly in three previous postseason games against OSU, even though they all looked like even matchups going in. The 2010 Rose Bowl was an example of athletic justice, as wrongly reinstated RB LeGarrette Blount fumbled the potential go-ahead touchdown through the end zone in the fourth quarter of a 26-17 defeat. In the 2014 CFP championship, the Buckeyes busted them on the same draw play dozens of times in a 42-20 runaway. In last year's quarterfinals, after they had won a one-point regular season game, they failed to foresee that their opponents would play differently in the rematch, as coach Dan Lanning lardheadedly later admitted. The 41-21 final was not nearly reflective of the romp that had been 34-0 at halftime. So why should this time be any different? Because Lanning is too smart to lose that stupidly twice in a row.

That, and the fact that the lumpy nuts no longer have a seasoned veteran at quarterback. Sophomore Justin Sayin has had an outstanding year, but his production is down since midseason, and he has struggled to find the end zone against his two most formidable opponents so far.

The Duck running game is second in the nation in yards per carry at 5.9, but Michigan, Indiana and Ohio are not far behind them, and they were all bottled up by a Buckeye run defense that ranks second, also. In last year's regular season game, the Big O rolled for an even 5.0 yards per carry, but in the CFP, the Buckeyes' big early lead sidelined their ground game, with nobody getting any more than seven carries. If the quacker defense doesn't get the quap beaten out of it in the first half again, the RBs should be competent, relative to OSU's other opponents.

Buckey alumnus Andy Katzenmoyer doesn't see what's so challenging about origami ducks. He majored in making those.

Oregon 18, Ohio State 14

The College Football Czar

a sports publication from The Shinbone