The College Football Czar

Week 17

Week sixteen in review: The first-round playoff games stunk. Really, they did. Then again, so does the whole concept, so we shouldn't be surprised. The home team won each of the four contests, and although two of the final scores ended up being respectable, none of the outcomes was ever in doubt. By the nature of tournament play, there are mismatches, especially in the beginning. It wouldn't be fair to have two very good teams like Penn State and Notre Dame play each other in one game, and two teams that barely made the cut, like SMU and Indiana, in another. Those would have been very plausible bowl matchups, however, if not for the ill-conceived playoff expansion.

The one positive facet of the first-round games was that they were not neutral-site games, but were instead played at the home fields of the higher seeds. This provided a great atmosphere, at least at the beginning of each game, just as the creators of this format had hoped. That itself is problematic, however, because the quarterfinal and semifinal games are to be held at bowl sites, where they are taking up residence like hermit crabs. The first quarterfinal, for example, is masquerading as the Fiesta Bowl, a neutral-site indoor game in Glendale, Arizona. Wouldn't it be better for the game if PSU had to take its spiffy white road uniforms up to Boise to play on the blue turf? In addition to that being a more enjoyable experience for the viewers, it would be better for attendance. Last year, Washington had trouble selling all of its tickets to the CFP championship in Houston, because the Husky fans had just traveled to New Orleans for a "Sugar Bowl" semifinal the week before. Understandably, not many of the same people were able to make those back-to-back 2,500-mile road trips. In the current format, each of the finalists will now be playing its third neutral-site game in a row. This cannot help but encourage a move to on-campus sites for every game preceding the championship.

So, where does that leave the bowl games? The argument that the bowls could coexist with a playoff by being integrated into the format is in the process of being refuted. This means that in the very near future, none of the 12 playoff teams (which will become 16 before you know it) will be playing in bowl games. Who plays in the Rose Bowl, then? The #4 selection from the Big Ten and the #3 selection from the Big XII? Moreover, if the Rose Bowl matchup is one that might traditionally have been made at the Sun Bowl, then who is the Sun Bowl going to get? The NCAA's planned, slow-motion destruction of the bowl games will then shift into fast forward. The prestige of the games will be gone, and the finances will soon follow.

College football fans are used to having enjoyable, usually evenly-matched football games on TV on a daily basis throughout the Christmas season. By contrast, take a look at this year's playoff schedule: one game on Dec. 20th, three on Dec. 21st, one on New Year's Eve, three on New Year's Day, one on Jan. 9th, one on Jan. 10th, and one on Jan. 20th. That's eleven games scattered over an entire month, as opposed to a nightly celebration of football, culminating in a grand finale of blockbuster games on New Year's Day. This is what The Powers That Be Stupid have been telling us we've been demanding all our lives. The College Football Czar, for one, has never, ever wanted it, and now that it is upon us, he doesn't want it twice as much. That may not be literate, but it's true.

For the past couple years, the NCAA has not even acknowledged the timing of the transfer portal opening to be a problem, because it served the purpose of diminishing the bowl games. The conventional wisdom has been that we would never see players transferring out if their teams were in the playoff, but that is proving to be untrue. Among others, Penn State second-string quarterback Beau Pribula left the Nittany Lions prior to their first-round game against SMU. Pribula had appeared in almost every game this season as a change-of-pace option QB, and his absence could prove critical at some point. If this happened to a lot of other teams, it might not make a difference, but when Penn State complains, the NCAA listens. In this particular case, that happens to be a good thing.

The College Football Czar lost the Army-Navy game to finish the regular season with a somewhat disappointing record of 158-114 for a .581 winning percentage. On his first week's postseason picks, he went 8-3 (.727).

Dec. 27

Armed Forces Bowl -- Fort Worth, TX -- Noon or 3:30 (ESPN)

Navy (8-4) vs. Oklahoma (6-6)

Conventional wisdom says the triple-option is a detriment in a bowl game, because the opposing coaches have more time to prepare for it. The results don't back up that assertion, as the postseason success of the military academies will attest. The Midshipmen are 12-11-1 in bowl games, having won 5 of their last 6. Army has a bowl record of 7-3, and Air Force 16-13-1. Furthermore, the academies don't have to contend with opt-outs, so the same personnel will be running the Middies' offense as in their 31-13 victory over Army.

The only thing OU needs now is a T, because about a fourth of their roster has exited by way of the transfer portal, while NFL-bound linebacker Danny Stutsman and safety Billy Bowman have betrayed their team for the usual dishonest reason.

Sooner quarterback Jackson Arnold is among those who have entered the portal, which, frankly, is disappointing. The College Football Czar thought Arnold would have learned his lesson from that episode in which that unscrupulous baseball coach tried to get Willis to transfer to another junior high school.

Navy 24, Oklahoma 14

Birmingham Bowl -- Birmingham (no, really!) -- Noon or 3:30 (ESPN)

Vanderbilt (6-6) vs. Georgia Tech (7-5)

Each team can take credit for keeping a powerhouse program out of the playoff, with the Commodores upsetting Alabama, and Tech tripping up Miami. Each of them has also thrown a scare into a national championship contender, Vandy hanging tough in a 27-24 loss to Texas, and the Yellowjackets finally falling to Georgia in eight overtimes.

VU kept up its momentum after beating Bama, winning its following two games to improve to 5-2. The 1-4 skid that started at that point does not indicate a letdown, however, with those losses to SEC powerhouses Texas, South Carolina, LSU and Tennessee.

It will have been almost four months since GT quarterback Haynes King threw his last and only interception of the season, in a nonconference win over crosstown foe Georgia State. He has tossed 11 touchdown passes, including two in an uncharacteristic 300-yard game against UGA.

Birmingham, being the steel city of the South, has a huge statue of Vulcan in the middle of town. Mister Spock would not live long and prosper if he ever tangled with that guy, no matter how much pon farr he had going for him.

Georgia Tech 28, Vanderbilt 27

Liberty Bowl -- Memphis -- 7:00 (ESPN)

Texas Tech (8-4) vs. Arkansas (6-6)

Red Raider QB Behren Morton is sitting out this game, but he's doing it the old-fashioned way, by being injured. The junior decided to have shoulder surgery at the end of this regular season, in hopes that he will be ready to go for the 2025 season opener. In his place will be freshman Will Hammond, who played well earlier this season in a tough loss to TCU.

In hindsight, the Razorbacks must be ashamed of a Week 2 overtime loss to Oklahoma State, but the most damaging of their five SEC defeats has been to 9-3 Missouri, and they toppled Tennessee in Week 6. Leading receiver Andrew Armstrong has stretched his 6-4 frame to catch 78 passes for 1,140 yards. Strangely, he has only a single touchdown, down from 13 two years ago, when he gained less yardage.

In honor of Patrick Henry, the winners of this game are given liberty, whereas the losers are given death. Unless, of course, they opt out of death, which everybody always does. Some of these NCAA regulations are even sillier than others.

Arkansas 30, Texas Tech 18

Holiday Bowl -- San Diego -- 8:00 (FOX)

Syracuse (9-3) vs. Washington State (8-4)

Contrary to early media speculation, Cuse quarterback Kyle McCord is adamant that he is playing in this game. Coach Fran Brown explained his star player's decision like this: "The more football you play, the more the NFL watches." Yeah, but does he realize they'll be watching a guy who's completely unprepared for the draft?

There was a time when one might have wondered what the CFP committee was going to do with Wazzu. There it was at 8-1, with good wins against Texas Tech and Washington, and having been beaten only by Boise State on the road. Three terrible losses later, problem solved. In the end, the Cougars didn't even win the championship of the two-team Pac 12. And that was before prolific dual threat QB John Mateer transferred to Oklahoma.

This being the Holiday Bowl, the college Football Czar would like to extend Holiday wishes to all those who are celebrating Holiday by attending Holiday parties and "gifting" each other Holiday presents. His wish is that they cease to be such insufferable barfbrains.

Syracuse 49, Washington State 27

Las Vegas Bowl -- Las Vegas, strangely enough -- 10:30 (ESPN)

Texas A&M (8-4) vs. USC (6-6)

The Trojans traditionally blow off their bowl games, but perhaps this time they'll play with a little pride, now that they are overmatched to start out with. They did play hard in their regular season finale at Notre Dame, but lost 49-35. They were 21 yards away from tying the game in the fourth quarter, until QB Jayden Maiava threw two pick-sixes on consecutive possessions, the first one for 99 yards, and the second one for 100.

The Conjunction Boys were on the boxcar that followed the "and" this season, as they seemed like an SEC afterthought even when they sat at the top of the standings late in the season. Unfortunately, this widespread skepticism was well founded, as demonstrated by the fact that the Aggies crapped out in their last three conference games.

Allegiant Stadium has a grass surface for Raider games, which can be rolled outside so that it can get some sun, much like the field the Cardinals play on in Glendale, Arizona. For college games in Vegas, the field is left out in the open air, while the concrete surface that is left behind is covered with a carpet. UNLV, which plays its home games in this same stadium, says it actually prefers the artificial turf. Wanna bet?

Texas A&M 42, USC 31

Dec. 28

Fenway Bowl -- Boston -- 11AM (ESPN)

North Carolina (6-6) vs. Uconn (8-4)

Sports teams love to play up the "us against the world" shtick, but it's almost always embellished if not fabricated outright. Not so in the case of the Conn Men, who were openly disdained by their own university five years ago, when it cast them adrift as an Independent while returning to the Big East for basketball. Nevertheless, the Huskies have had their best season since 2010, albeit against a lot of lower-echelon American Athletic Conference opponents. They are 0-3 this year against the ACC, however, having been beaten by Duke, Wake Forest and Syracuse.

Running back Omarion Hampton, who was second in the nation in rushing during the regular season, will not be suiting up for UNC. You already know why. At the end of a lengthy social media post, Hampton wrote, "after much thought and prayer, I am officially announcing that I will be declaring for the 2025 NFL draft." OK, great! Nothing about that means he isn't still a Tar Heel, with an obligation to play, for the simple reason that the 2024 North Carolina Tar Heels are playing a football game. Next season is not until next season. This is still this season. That's why we call it that.

If you're watching this game and you're lucky, you'll catch a glimpse of the Green Monster. That'll be the guy who started getting warmed up for this pre-noon bowl game without having breakfast first.

North Carolina 38, Uconn 31

Pinstripe Bowl -- New York -- Noon (ABC)

Nebraska (6-6) vs. Boston College (7-5)

The Bostonians won in their own ballpark a year ago, shocking SMU 23-14 in the Fenway Bowl. Now they invade enemy territory, as they bring a little flavor of Beantown to the Bronx. They haven't handled the hostility well in two previous Pinstripe Bowls, losing to Penn State in 2014 and Iowa in 2017.

The Cornhuskers were 5-1 before they got the niblets beaten out of them at Indiana, 56-7. Their next game after that, they only lost to Ohio State 21-17, but then the bottom fell out in back-to-back blunders against Big Ten newcomers UCLA and USC. Since the start of October, freshman QB Dylan Raiola has thrown only three TDs, and eight interceptions.

Grayson James took over at quarterback for the Eagles during a Week 11 win over Syracuse, eventually causing previous starter Thomas Castellanos to transfer. James is now auditioning for next year's job, with coach Bill O'Brien having plucked freshman Dylan Lonegran from Alabama through the portal. One thing that's working in James' favor is that BC might need to keep him around to fulfill its quota of Graysons, whereas you can pick up another Dylan just about anywhere.

One look at the N-men, and you can see that pinstripes do not agree with them. Too fancy.

Boston College 14, Nebraska 10

New Mexico Bowl -- Albuquerque -- 2:30 (ESPN)

La.-Lafayette (10-3) vs. TCU (8-4)

Ragin Cajun QB Ben Woodridge hopes to be back in the lineup, after his backups took a bruising in a 31-3 Sun Belt championship loss to Marshall. Even if he plays, he'll have a tough time keeping up with Horned Frog hurler Josh Hoover, who needs 303 yards to reach 4,000 for the season.

There are four teams in the Big XII that tied for first place with a conference record of 7-2 (Arizona State, Brigham Young, Iowa State and Colorado). This Texas Christian team, which finished a game behind at 6-3, did not have to face any of them. In Week 9, they rallied from a 17-point second-half deficit to beat Texas Tech 35-34, but that has been their only victory against a team that finished the season with a non-losing record.

If it's New Mexico, does that mean the beans are just plain fried?

TCU 45, La-Lafayette 28

Pop Tarts Bowl -- Orlando -- 3:30 (ABC)

Iowa State (10-3) vs. Miami (10-2)

Hurricane coach Mario Cristobal made a halfhearted argument for his team to have been included in the playoff after blowing a 21-0 lead at Syracuse, but the absence of a marquee win made two upset losses in November too much to overcome.

The Cyclones were already trailing the Big XII championship game, 24-10 at halftime against Arizona State, when they turned the ball over on three consecutive possessions in the third quarter. The result was a 45-19 romp, even though their pass defense, ranked third nationally, held up pretty well.

Against the run, ISU got stomped by Sun Devil RB Cam Skattebo, and now it takes on a Cane ground game that is more effective than ASU's. The U doesn't get as much use out of the run as a lot of other teams, but it averages 5.5 yards per carry.

The festivities surrounding this game give way to a macabre postgame ceremony in which a smiling, anthropomorphic pop tart mascot is plunged into a giant toaster and cooked to death, and then devoured by members of the winning team. It's kind of like a conspicuous product placement during a sequel to Apocalypto, except that not even Mel Gibson is this demented.

Miami 30, Iowa State 14

Arizona Bowl -- Tucson -- 4:30 (CW)

Miami OH (8-5) vs. Colorado State (8-4)

Senior running back Avery Morrow has provided more O to the Rams this season, needing 44 yards to become their first 1,000-yard rusher since 2017. The entire team amassed only 1,114 yards on the ground all of last season, a total they will roughly double this year.

The RedHawks got rolled by the round-at-both-ends Bobcats, 38-3 in the MAC championship game. They were held to 189 total yards, which is par for the course for them in the postseason. In the past decade, MU is 1-4 in bowls, while averaging only 17.8 points per game.

The full title of this game is now the Snoop Dogg Arizona Bowl presented by Gin & Juice, yet its lardhead quotient has plummeted. That's because it will no longer be announced by the smugly stupid circus freaks from Barstool Sports. Those lardheads who are watching at home will need to be witty enough to laugh at the players wearing uniform #69 all by themselves.

Colorado State 26, Miami OH 16

Military Bowl -- Annapolis -- 5:45 (ESPN)

East Carolina (7-5) vs. Nc State (6-6)

These familiar foes face off in a bowl game for the second time, with the Pirates having poured it on in the fourth quarter of a 37-34 Peach Bowl victory to finish the 1991 season. State leads the overall series 19-13, most recently taking a 21-20 tussle in 2022.

ECU has already taken the interim tag off head coach Blake Harrell, and it's not hard to see why. Since dismissing Mike Houston after a 3-4 start, they have gone 4-1 under the elevated defensive coordinator, who finally lost a game against Navy to end the regular season.

Gangly freshman C. J. Bailey has started at QB for the Wolfpack for most of the year. Meanwhile, M. J. Morris, who abandoned NCSU while he was its starter last season in order to preserve his redshirt, has started two games for Maryland, during which he has thrown five interceptions. No wonder the wolf on the Pack helmet appears to be laughing.

Nc State 32, East Carolina 30

Alamo Bowl -- San Antonio -- 7:30 (ABC)

Brigham Young (10-2) vs. Colorado (9-3)

Two teams from the same conference meet in a bowl game for the first time since Nevada beat Colorado State 28-23 in the 2015 Arizona Bowl. For what it's worth, it was arguably the best game of that bowl season, even though nobody had wanted it to happen.

Coach Prime says his players don't opt out, and so far they agree with him. At this point, neither his son Shedeur nor Heisman-winner Travis Hunter has abandoned the Buffaloes to "prepare for the draft," and why would they? Deion himself had no such preparation, and was drafted in two sports anyway. Heck, he wasn't even prepared to run away from Tim McCarver like a wussy, but when the time came, he was up to the task.

The Cougars kept CU out of the Big XII title game when they handled Houston 30-18 to end the regular season. Playing spoiler was the best they could do, because they could no longer play for the championship themselves, following back-to-back losses to Kansas and Arizona State. Their decline started while they were still on a winning streak, however. The last game that could really be considered a good win for them was when they clobbered Kansas State way back in Week 4

The defenders of the Alamo didn't actually win, but Jim Bowie did that "seepy-bye" pose when he killed one of Santa Ana's men, and it was so cool!

Colorado 34, Brigham Young 29

Independence Bowl -- Shreveport -- 9:15 (ESPN)

Army (11-1) vs. Louisiana Tech (5-7)

The Sun Belt Conference is considering punitive action against its own champion, Marshall, for pulling out of this game after already accepting the invitation. When head coach Charles Huff was hired away by conference rival Southern Miss, about a third of the Thundering Herd roster entered the transfer portal. Obviously, the remaining moo-men would have been at a disadvantage against the Black Knights, but they surely could have still played. Even with all their losses, they still had almost as many players as a college football team typically takes on a road trip.

If you're wondering why a coaching change would cause such a mass exodus, you don't have to look any farther than Colorado. Two years ago, newly hired coach Deion Sanders showed up to address his new team, and he told the players he had no use for most of them, so they should get out. By leaving on their own terms, at least these guys can be sure that wherever they land, it will be someplace where they're wanted.

What if Army hadn't played Notre Dame this year? It might have been awarded the group-of-five playoff spot at 12-0 after winning the AAC championship, only to lose to Navy six days later. Then, what could the committee have said? "Sorry, Boise State, but you shouldn't have scheduled Oregon."

The College Football Czar would like to tell you not to dismiss LTU even though they are a replacement opponent that would otherwise be ineligible. Never mind. This Bulldog team has been beaten by Tulsa, Florida International and New Mexico State. Dismiss away.

Army 52, Louisiana Tech 17

Dec. 30

Music City Bowl -- Nashville -- 2:30 (ESPN)

Iowa (8-4) vs. Missouri (9-3)

Hawkeye running back Kaleb Johnson, who leads the Big Ten with 1,537 rushing yards, has decided to skip this game in order to -- all together now -- "prepare for the draft." He can't be ready for the draft in less than five months? He's not as speedy as he looks. His absence creates an opportunity for freshman Kamari Moulton, who broke out in Week 13 against Maryland, for 114 yards on 12 carries.

The Tigers' 9-3 record is more than a little deceptive. Not only were there three gimmes on their nonconference schedule, but all five of their SEC victories were against teams in the lower half of the league. Against opponents that are currently ranked, they're 0-3.

When Mizzou accepted an invitation to the Music City bowl, they thought it was being played in Branson. They shouldn't be too disappointed, though, because Nashville is just like a really big Branson, that is ever so slightly less drunk.

Iowa 17, Missouri 13

Dec. 31

ReliaQuest Bowl -- Tampa -- Noon (ESPN)

Michigan (7-5) vs. Alabama (9-3)

The Crimson Tide are convinced they should have gotten the last playoff bid instead of SMU. With two losses to .500 teams, they don't have that much of an argument, but they'd have a chance to put on a convincing show against an undermanned U of M offense.

The Wolverines are seventh-worst in the nation in total yardage gained, at 294.3 total yards per game. A 50-6 blowout of Northwestern in Week 13 has been the only game all year long in which they put more than 30 points on the board. Their passing game in particular is even worse, ranking fifth from the bottom. If they had to go to war with QB Davis Warren, they would gain ground about as rapidly as the Russian army.

Pachyderm passer Jalen Milroe has not thrown a touchdown pass against a Division I-A opponent since a Week 8 loss to Tennessee. In a Week 13 meltdown at Oklahoma, he completed only 11 of 26 for 164 yards with three interceptions, one of which was returned for a score. That 24-3 thumping was not easy to watch, but it needs to be seen by anybody who thinks the problem with the current playoff format is that it left this Alabama team out.

What is ReliaQuest, you ask? It's a new movie in which the heroine is the sister of Johnny Quest, who happens to be a blackbelt psychic marine biologist. Well, not really, but can the truth possibly be much better?

Alabama 20, Michigan 12

Sun Bowl -- El Paso -- 2:00 (CBS)

Washington (6-6) vs. Louisville (8-4)

Cardinal QB Tyler Shough has finally had the kind of season that's been expected of him, with 3,195 passing yards, 23 TDs and only six interceptions. If the sixth-year senior can finish a season without a serious injury, he could have a future in the NFL. For this reason, he is opting out, which actually reinforces fears about his physical durability. If he really wants to reassure the scouts, he cannot afford to show that he's afraid to play a football game.

With everything the Huskies had lost since last year's run to the championship game, first-year coach Jedd Fisch might have done a better job in producing this .500 record than he did in winning ten games last season at Arizona. The last three losses for UW have all been to playoff teams, and in the meantime they have beaten both USC and UCLA.

The Ville took a nasty spill at Stanford in Week 1?, surrendering 17 points in the last seven minutes of a 38-35 shocker, which was aided by a pair of undisciplined penalties that set up the decisive field goal. Rather than let their season disintegrate at that point, they responded with decisive victories against Pitt (37-9) and Kentucky (41-14) to end the regular season.

It's a little-known fact that nobody in El Paso knows the words to the song "El Paso." That's because Marty Robbins sang it in English.

Louisville 16, Washington 7

Citrus Bowl -- Orlando -- 3:00 (ABC)

Illinois (9-3) vs. South Carolina (9-3)

The Citrus Bowl is sponsored by a truss that you sit in. Just what the College Football Czar needs, after four solid months of carcass-parking.

Before Alabama waters down its nonconference schedule in an attempt to maximize its record for CFP purposes, it might ask itself where the Gamecocks would be if they'd beaten three better teams than Old Dominion, Akron and Division I-AA Wofford. This Carolina team finished with the same record as the Crimson Tide, but never got a moment's consideration for the playoff, and this is the biggest reason why.

Fighting Illini wide receiver Pat Bryant will not reach the 1,000-yard mark this season, because he has opted out, rather than risk injury before the NFL draft. Seriously, why did he bother playing his team's last regular season game against Northwestern, then? Would he not have gotten drafted all the same? He could have jeopardized his professional career by getting injured in that meaningless game!

Also opting out is SC defensive end Kyle Kennard, who leads the SEC in sacks with 11.5. Had he played this game, he could have broken Jadeveon Clowney's school record by adding two more to that total. Would that not have been a valuable addition to his resume? If he doesn't care about that, and he's only concerned about getting injured, then what in the world was he doing on the field for that Wofford game in mid-November?

These players all want to be paid for their image now, but what if their image is that of a bunch of disloyal girlie-men with no capacity for logic, who suddenly develop an irrational fear of playing football?

South Carolina 28, Illinois 13

Texas Bowl -- Houston -- 3:30 (ESPN)

LSU (8-4) vs. Baylor (8-4)

With 3,739 passing yards, Garrett Nussmeier of Louisiana State is second in the SEC, only to Ole miss QB Jaxson Dart. The flip side is that the Tigers are dead last in the conference in rushing yardage. During a late-season three-game losing streak to Texas A&M, Alabama and Florida, they only ran for an average of 83.3 yards.

The College Football Czar was going to explain what "flip side" means, but then he realized he doesn't have to, because vinyl records have been making a comeback. If this wave of nostalgia hits the world of sports fandom, the Czar and his collection of Lucky Stripes hats are ready!

BU blew a chance to play for the Big XII title with its Week 4 collapse against Colorado, which concluded with a goal-line fumble in overtime. Subsequent losses to BYU and Iowa State dropped its record to 2-4, before it rallied to win its last six, to finish one game back.

The Bears have gone with a Mark Twain theme at quarterback this year. Their original starter was a guy named Finn, but since he got injured, Sawyer has stepped in for him. Might there be a Pudd'nhead waiting in the wings? Considering college football's affinity for oddly placed apostrophes, don't be surprised. Then, we could count on clever TV analysts to say witty things like, "He's on my All-Name Team." Where do they come up with that stuff?

LSU 34, Baylor 31

CFP Quarterfinal (Fiesta Bowl) -- Glendale, AZ -- 7:30 (ESPN)

Penn State (12-2) vs. Boise State (12-1)

A lot has been said about how Penn State has received a remarkably favorable playoff draw for a team that failed to win its conference championship. That should make good bulletin board material for BSU, but last time the College Football Czar checked, the game isn't played on bulletin boards, although that wouldn't be much sillier than the blue turf back in Boise.

Bronco tailback Ashton Jeanty is 131 yards away from breaking Barry Sanders' record for rushing yards in a season, but that's a record that would need to be marked with an asterisk the size of the one that was headed for Earth in Armageddon. The regular season is one game longer than it was in 1988, and there are conference championship games, meaning that Jeanty's current total is based on 13 games, and Sanders' on 11. Furthermore, The Powers That Be Stupid did not count bowl stats on a player's season record when Sanders was playing. If they did, then the 222 yards he gained in the Holiday Bowl against Wyoming would make it extremely unlikely that Jeanty could catch him, even with the playoff giving him a three-game advantage.

Yes, the Broncs outplayed Oregon except for special teams in a last-second 37-34 setback in Week 2, but opposing QB Dillon Gabriel was just getting accommodated to his new offense. That Fighting Duck team bore little resemblance to the one the Nittany Lions battled to the end of an exciting 45-37 Big Ten title game in Indianapolis.

Okay, so it's an asteroid, not an asterisk. So we're going for realism now? Have you seen this movie?

Well, no, the College Football Czar hasn't seen it either, but that's hardly the point.

Penn State 33, Boise State 17

CFP Quarterfinal (Peach Bowl) -- Atlanta -- 1:00 (ESPN)

Texas (12-2) vs. Arizona State (11-2)

The 336 passing yards the Longhorns allowed in last week's 38-24 win over Clemson should have come as no surprise, because Cade Klubnik was clearly a rung above any of the other QBs they've faced all season. Looking back, their biggest wins against Michigan, Oklahoma and Texas A&M did not require them to go up against a proficient passer. Ole Miss was not on their SEC schedule, and neither was LSU, Tennessee or Missouri. They could be playing with fire this week when they face Sun Devil freshman Sam Leavitt, who has 2,663 yards and 24 TDs.

How valuable is Leavitt to ASU? In the one game he missed due to a rib injury, his team was beaten by Cincinnati, which was able to concentrate on containing RB Cam Skattebo. Since his return to the lineup, they have won six in a row, including a 45-19 Big Ten championship game romp over Iowa State.

The Sun Devils have won six games by eight points or fewer, and most of those against lesser opponents like Mississippi State, Texas State, Utah and Central Florida. They could not have won a power conference title if they didn't play in a league that had been devalued by the loss of its best team. That, of course, is Texas, which might still be undefeated if it had avoided Georgia by continuing to play in the Big XII.

Why do they still call it the Big XII, when it now has 16 teams? Is XVI harder to spell?

Texas 45, Arizona State 41

CFP Quarterfinal (Rose Bowl) -- Pasadena -- 5:00 (ESPN)

Ohio State (11-2) vs. Oregon (13-0)

The lumpy nuts lost a tough one to UO back in Week 7, but that was a road game, decided by the narrowest of margins (32-31), in which one could easily make the case for OSU having gotten the better of the play. Now they have a second chance, this time at a neutral site, and with a win they would instantly become the favorite to take the national title. But should they have gotten this chance? The Buckeyes were already on course for a rematch with the Fighting Ducks in the Big Ten championship game, but they blew it by losing to a mediocre Michigan team. The CFP was created for the purpose of ensuring that the best team in the nation is crowned champion, not creating an NFL-like situation in which the tenth best team can win it all. If Ohio State finishes the season with a loss to Oregon and another loss to Michigan, and Oregon finishes with only a loss to Ohio State, are the Buckeyes really the best?

OSU is now widely expected to win this rematch, partly because of the way they rallied around Coach Brutus to trounce Tennessee, 42-17. This week they will not be at home in the horseshoe, nor will they be frustrating a freshman quarterback who had been burdened by excessive expectations. Instead, they must stop Dillon Gabriel, the most experienced QB in college football, who has topped the 3,500-yard mark for the fourth time in his career.

The Duck defensive front was manhandled by Penn State in an unsettling 45-37 victory in the Big Ten title game, in which they were gashed for 297 rushing yards, for an average of 8.7 per carry. But isn't the Buckeye offensive line more powerful than PSU's? For the first time in quite a few years, the answer is a resounding no. The O-State O-line has been beset with injuries all season, and it showed when their offense turned south against The Team Up North, in a bitter 13-10 defeat.

First-year Buckeye offensive coordinator Chip Kelly gets a second shot at his former team since arriving in Columbus, but in addition to failing to beat them as an assistant earlier this year, he went 0-4 against the Big O when he was head coach at UCLA. His only greater streak of futility came in youth football, where he was unsuccessful at every place kick he ever attempted, because Lucy kept pulling the ball away.

Oregon 28, Ohio State 25

CFP Quarterfinal (Sugar Bowl) -- New Orleans -- 8:45 (ESPN)

Notre Dame (12-1) vs. Georgia (11-2)

Until their first-round 27-17 win over Indiana, the Fighting Irish were the forgotten team of the playoff, having been idle on conference championship weekend. Had they been in a league, they would have had to play a losable game at a neutral site in order to earn a first-round bye. They basically traded that for a first-round mismatch in their favor, and on their home field.

The Bulldogs will be without starting QB Carson Beck, who has had elbow surgery since suffering a nasty injury during a 22-19 overtime victory over Texas for the SEC championship. The question is how great a detriment this will really be to his team. The senior had thrown twice as many interceptions as he did a year ago, and his completion percentage had dropped off by almost eight points. Sophomore Gunner Stockton hasn't exactly been a howitzer, though. In three appearances this season, the coaches have kept him throwing safe passes, allowing him to compile a 78.1 completion percentage, but for only 206 yards on 25 completions.

Judging from the golden domers' schedule, they could have contended for an ACC title, but as far as the playoff is concerned, how good is that, really? For decades, ND took pride in taking on the toughest teams in America, but this year their best win is still their opening 23-13 victory at Texas A&M. None of their opponents contended for its own conference title except for MAC runner-up Miami Ohio.

The Irish could use all the crowd support they can get against UGA, but unfortunately for them, Touchdown Jesus will not be attending the game. That's because GOD HATES DOMES!

Georgia 20, Notre Dame 17

Jan. 2

Gator Bowl -- Jacksonville -- 7:30 (ESPN)

Duke (9-3) vs. Ole Miss (9-3)

The Blue Devils have sneaked up on a shot at a 10-win season, even though they haven't played very well. They have seven wins against mediocre opponents by ten points or fewer, and they lost a game to SMU despite going plus-6 in turnovers. Just think how many of these victories could easily have teetered the other way if they had lost QB Maalik Murphy, who will be absent from this game because he has decided to transfer to Oregon State.

Hotty Toddy had gotten ploddy as the season has gone along. Against a weak early nonconference schedule, the Rebels racked up 220 points in four games. Once SEC play started, they scored 28 points or fewer in every game but one. After falling to Florida 24-17, they almost laid one in the Egg Bowl, a bland 26-14 win over last-place Mississippi State.

The College Football Czar might be considered a somethingophobe or other for saying this, but he finds it highly unlikely that someone named Toddy is a hotty.

Ole Miss 24, Duke 7

Jan. 3

First Responder Bowl -- Dallas -- 4:00 (ESPN)

Texas State (7-5) vs. North Texas (6-6)

3,000 yards would constitute another successful season for former James Madison QB Jordan McCloud, who needs only 80 yards to reach that mark with the Bobcats. A year ago at JMU, he threw for 3,675, while leading the Dukes to a record of 11-2.

The Mean Green lost five in a row until eking out a 24-17 season-ending win over Temple. They had led that game 24-3 before giving up two TDs late in the second quarter, and then finished a scoreless second half by picking off a pass at their own 6-yard-line.

The College Football Czar once volunteered to be a first responder, and boy did he show his stuff in the interview. "What is tungsten?" "Who was Buster Crabbe?" "What was the War of the Spanish Succession?"

They didn't give him the job, though. Haters.

Texas State 55, North Texas 34

Duke's Mayo Bowl -- Charlotte -- 7:30 (ESPN)

Minnesota (7-5) vs. Virginia Tech (6-6)

Kyron Drones suffered multiple leg injuries in a Week 9 loss to Clemson. But, hey, at least it gave him time to travel all over New Jersy and several neighboring states. Since then, the starting QB has been a freshman named Pop Watson, who had better be careful he doesn't get eaten as part of the postgame ceremony.

With the exception of a bad loss at Iowa, the radiant rodents were right in every game this season. Their other four defeats, to North Carolina, Michigan, Rutgers and Penn State, were by a total of only 13 points. In Week 13, they kicked a field goal to pull within a point of Penn State with almost six minutes left, but allowed the Nittany Lions to run out the clock on a drive that included three fourth-down conversions.

It has become traditional for the head coach of the winning team to have a tub of mayonnaise poured over his head. The College Football Czar dislikes this because it cuts against one's natural motivation to win. The disincentive shouldn't deter Golden Gopher coach P.J. Fleck, though, because he has got little to lose by winning. A rag and a little Windex, and he's good as new.

Minnesota 35, Virginia Tech 23

Jan. 4

Bahamas Bowl -- Nassau -- 11AM (ESPN2)

Buffalo (8-4) vs. Liberty (8-3)

LU quarterback Kaidon Salter has entered the transfer portal, but how badly will he be missed? This year, he has only thrown for 1,886 yards against weak competition, and in his last game, a 20-18 loss to Sam Houston, he went 12-for-35 with two picks. Is this guy really supposed to be a replacement for Shedeur Sanders at Colorado next season?

UB was a .500 team at one point this season, until it got to a November schedule that consisted of Akron, Ball State, Eastern Michigan and Kent State. That's got to be the weakest opposition any Bulls have come across outside of Pamplona, where a bunch of scrawny Spaniards try to prove their manhood while running away, while dressed like the wait staff of the world's worst Mexican restaurant chain.

The only current bow game outside of the United States returns home after being displaced for a year, while Thomas A. Robinson Stadium was being renovated. Can you imagine being one of the teams that played in the Bahamas Bowl the one year it was displaced to Charlotte? That would be kind of like getting shipwrecked with only Mrs. Howell.

Buffalo 24, Liberty 20

Jan. 9

CFP Semifinal (Orange Bowl) -- Miami -- 7:30 (ESPN)

Predicted matchup: Penn State (12-2) vs. Georgia (12-2)

Each team is down a quarterback, but Nittany Lion backup Beau Pribula might prove to be the costlier loss. Pribula gave PSU the ability to disrupt opposing defenses by making them adjust to the occasional read-option series. With starter Drew Allar injured at Wisconsin in Week 9, the sophomore scrambler led his team to two fourth-quarter touchdown drives to put the game away.

In the SEC championship game, the Bulldog defense gave up 358 yards to Texas QB Quinn Ewers, but it also sacked him six times and forced two interceptions. Expect them to become even more aggressive, against a starter who has been slowed by an ankle injury, and has nobody with any experience to back him up. The only other Lion quarterback who has played at all this year is freshman Ethan Grunkemeyer, who completed one pass on two attempts for nine yards in the first round against SMU.

For decades, the Orange Bowl logo was a smiley character, but the orange in the current logo does not assume human form. That's a good thing, or else it would probably get skinned and have the life squeezed out of it in front of 65,000 attendees and a massive TV audience. Come to think of it, if eating quasi-human grocery items is going to become a postgame tradition, a coach whose head resembles a cashew ought to be getting a little nervous by now.

Georgia 21, Penn State 19

Jan. 10

CFP Semifinal (Cotton Bowl) -- Arlington, TX -- 7:30 (ESPN)

Predicted matchup: Texas (12-2) vs. Oregon (14-0)

The U of O is 2-0 in postseason games against their opponents from Austin, winning the 2000 Holiday Bowl and then the Alamo Bowl in 2013. None of this matters to anybody involved in this game but the fans, of course, the more recent of these results being so many years ago, it was Longhorn head coach Mack Brown's final game before returning to North Carolina.

The Horns never have put their quarterback controversy to rest, with Quinn Ewers remaining the starter even though freshman Arch Manning has been statistically better, in completion percentage, yards per attempt, and touchdown-to-interception ratio.

In some cases, it isn't entirely clear whether a bye week is an advantage or not, but in this case the College Football Czar thinks it is a significant factor. Over the past month, the webfoots have only played one really big game, beating Penn State for the Big Ten championship after walking past rival Washington to end the regular season. Meanwhile, Steve Sarkisian's team has run the gauntlet, beating arch enemy Texas A&M in a bruising defensive battle, then taking a tough overtime loss against Georgia in the SEC title game, forcing themselves to play a taxing first-round playoff game against ACC champion Clemson. One must wonder how they'll hold up if this remains a close game into the fourth quarter, as it should.

It's a little-known fact that the reason the Cotton Bowl is played at AT&T Stadium is because that venue was built by Cotton, Hank's father on King of the Hill.

Oregon 37, Texas 33

Jan. 20

CFP Championship -- Atlanta -- 7:30 (ESPN)

Predicted matchup: Georgia (13-2) vs. Oregon (15-0)

The Bulldogs are already 2-0 this year in this same venue, having manhandled the Son of Clem in a 34-3 opener, and scrapped their way past Texas, 22-19 in an overtime SEC championship. At the beginning of the 2022 season, they delivered the Ducks a 49-3 posterior punting, in a game that was billed as a possible national championship preview. That was former UGA assistant Dan Lanning's first game as head coach at UO, and he's not likely to experience another one like that anytime soon.

It might surprise many fans to find that the Fighting Ducks have the statistically better defense between these teams, with a slight edge across the board in rushing yards, passing yards and points allowed. The Dogs were outgained in their conference championship game, as well as in their eight-overtime regular season finale against Georgia Tech. The Quackers have come up on the short end in total yardage only twice all season, against Boise State and Penn State.

The site of this national championship game is Mercedes-Benz Stadium, but why Mercedes-Benz? Is she the long snapper?

Oregon 27, Georgia 10

The College Football Czar

a sports publication from The Shinbone