The Original College Football Czar

Week 12

Week eleven in review: Okay, so maybe Indiana shouldn't be ranked ahead of Ohio State as the Czar said a week ago, but it'll play itself out one way or another. There's no need to hyperventilate over who is ranked #1 or #2, when it really doesn't matter until after the championship game has been played. The Hoosiers were almost humbled at Penn State, but pulled the game out 27-24 with a pair of improbable catches in the waning moments of the game. Meanwhile, OSU easily handled Purdue 34-10, and the rankings held pretty much true to form.

It also doesn't matter that the AP has bumped Ole Miss ahead of Oregon in its latest poll, except that anybody who changed his positioning of those teams based on last week's games is a lardhead. A perfectly reasonable argument could be made for the Rebels to have been ranked ahead of the Ducks going into last weekend, but they certainly did not demonstrate themselves to be the superior team by slapping around The Citadel 49-0, while UO pulled out a great game against Iowa on the road.

At long last, there is a little bit of clarity in the race for the group-of-five CFP bid, in that it will almost assuredly be somebody from the American Conference. Mountain West leader San Diego State saw to that when it imploded at Hawaii in the final game of the weekend. So, unless North Texas, currently 8-1, proceeds to run the table, a playoff spot is going to go to a small-conference team that has had multiple regular season losses. Meanwhile, USC and/or Michigan, and Texas and/or Vanderbilt, will probably be left out. Hence, there will be renewed cries for another immediate expansion to the CFP, when in reality, it is already far too diluted.

For the week, the College Football Czar went 13-5, improving his overall record to 130-82, for a .613 winning percentage.

Nov. 14

Clemson at Louisville

The Paw Boys can still claw their way to a postseason bid if they can win two of their last three games. Since one of those is against the mighty Man of Fur, a Division I-AA opponent, a win against the Cards this week would be a virtual clincher.

Son of Clem is only twelfth in the ACC in rushing this year, but that might not be a detriment against a Cardinal team that got toasted by a one-dimensional California club a week ago. In that 29-26 overtime upset loss, they held the Golden Bears to 77 yards on the ground, but gave up 350 through the air.

Last year's 33-21 Lllvull vctry was its first in this series, against eight losses. Even in that game, the Tigers had the advantage in almost every offensive category, but they gave the U of L a short field on a blocked field goal attempt, and an unsuccessful fourth-down conversion inside their own 35.

Contrary to popular belief, Furman is not named after Joe Namath, although it might consider hiring him as a mascot. At least that would be more respectable work than doing commercials for Medicare Advantage. Of course, Broadway Joe was not only a furman, but also a pantyhoseman. Talk about being ahead of his time.

Clemson 37, Louisville 33

Minnesota at Oregon

It's too bad these schools haven't met since splitting a pair of Sun Bowls many years ago, because with the exception of a couple seasons when UO has contended nationally, it would always have been a good matchup. In 1999, Fighting Duck QB Joey Harrington led one of his typical last-minute TD drives for a 24-20 victory. In 2003, the Golden Gophers prevailed 31-30, when their last-second field goal attempt was partially blocked, but carried far enough to bounce off the crossbar and through.

The radiant rodents (6-3, 4-2) were yet another Big Ten team to narrowly avert an upset last week, when they let a 10-0 halftime lead slip away against Michigan State, before pulling out a 23-20 win in overtime. Freshman running back Fame Ijeboi put his name up in lights by scoring the winning touchdown, to cap a 108-yard effort.

Quacker quarterback Dante Moore did not suffer an ACL tear last week against Iowa, as was initially reported by On3. He was visibly hobbled during that game, but there never appeared to be any thought of pulling him, and there is every reason to believe he will be the starter this week against the Gophers.

On3? Why is a French porn site reporting on college football? No wonder they got it wrong.

Oregon 34, Minnesota 24

Nov. 15

Notre Dame at Pitt

One thing's for sure: the Fighting Irish are in no danger of looking past the 7-2 Panthers. If they can successfully dispatch yet another of their ancient rivals this Saturday, the only things standing between them and another playoff bid will be Syracuse and Stanford.

This was a competitive series from 1999-2018, with the Panthers going 5-9 during that span, but in two games since then the golden domers have drubbed them by scores of 45-3 and 58-7. One thing that will be different this time is that Pitt has a quarterback in freshman Mason Heintschel, who has gone 5-0 as a starter. In those previous games, they had to rely on Joey Yellen and Christian Veilleux, respectively.

ND running back Jeremiyah Love is fifth in the nation with 988 rushing yards, which is pretty remarkable considering that he shares the backfield with Jadarian Price, who has hauled the ball for 568 yards himself. Throw in a long TD run by sophomore Aneyas Williams, and as a team they ran through the snow in South Bend for 249 yards and four touchdowns to flatten Navy, 49-10.

After Week 2, the Irish season appears to be doomed. Come November, they are hurtling toward the playoffs. Where have we seen this movie before? Perhaps we should call this sequel The Wrath of Leprechaun. The one after that could be The Search for Stout.

That Lieutenant Ohura. Nice Irish lass.

Notre Dame 31, Pitt 22

Penn State at Michigan State

In the previous incarnation of the Big Ten, this was a perennial season-ending rivalry game, but that was an artificial designation that was determined purely by calculatus eliminatus. Part of this contrivance was the creation of the Land Grant Trophy, very probably the worst trophy in all of college football. The College Football Czar cannot independently confirm whether it was designed by coaches Joe Paterno and George Perles, but it sure looks like it. If you ever did a mediocre high school woodshop project that your parents felt obliged to display somewhere, so your mother covered it up with some cheap knickknacks from the flea market, then that's basically what this is.

It's even worse than that, because it's so needlessly large and unwieldy, standing about three feet tall and more than 75 pounds. If you're going to make up a trophy from scratch, so that it can take on practically any size and shape you want, why would you not make it so that a person could easily hold it and lift it into the air? Even Bob Diaco, the Uconn coach who designed the infamous Civil ConFLiCT Trophy, at least got that much right.

The Spartans have taken a step backward in their second year under head coach Jonathan Smith, entering this game with a Big Ten record of 0-6. Smith, who came to East Lansing from his alma mater of Oregon State in order to stay in the big leagues, might want to start patching things up with his old school, which is currently led by an interim coach itself.

PSU is 0-6 in league play also, but aside from a second-half hammering at Ohio State, it has been right in every game. Last week, the Nittany Lions nearly knocked off #2 Indiana, but the Hoosiers' acrobatic last-minute drive ended their upset bid, 27-24. Or at least it should have. Incredibly, IU squib-kicked to give them the ball back at their own 36-yard line with half a minute to play, leaving them about 30 yards away from a tying field goal attempt. What kind of a lardhead, when leading by three points with time running out, opts for a short kickoff that takes almost no time off the clock?

A lardhead who thinks he's a super-genius, like Curt "run forty yards just to give up a safety on the last play of the game" Cignetti, that's what.

Penn State 21, Michigan State 10

West Virginia at Arizona State

Back-to-back victories against Houston and Colorado have rekindled WVU's chances of reaching a bowl game, although they face a foreboding finale against first-place Texas Tech on Thanksgiving weekend. Last week against CU, the Mountaineer defense recorded seven sacks, meaning that they tackled the quarterback in the backfield seven times. Perhaps they also recorded them, and why not? Now that they've finally created some defensive highlights, they might like to watch them again later on.

Having lost quarterback Sam Leavitt to a foot injury, the Sun Devils have had to turn to running QB Jeff Sims, formerly of Georgia Tech and Nebraska. Somebody must have given him a hotfoot, because he ran like he was on fire against Iowa State in Week 10, rushing for 228 yards and two TDs in a 24-19 win that qualifies ASU for a bowl game. This week, he needs to duplicate that effort against a WV defense that is about a yard per carry better than ISU.

As head coach at Arizona from 2001-07, Rich Rodriguez went 2-5 against the Sun Devils. His head exploded so often that the only difference between him and ASU mascot Sparky was that the coach doesn't smile.

West Virginia 17, Arizona State 14

Texas at Georgia

UGA is playing its final SEC game of the regular season, with nonconference games remaining against Charlotte and Georgia Tech. If the Dogs win out, they probably wouldn't mind so much if both Alabama and Texas A&M still finished ahead of them. Let those two put a bruising on each other for the SEC championship and an accompanying first-round playoff bye, while Kirby Smart's team gets a rest before hosting one of those opening-round games. As long as they're a shoo-in for the field of twelve, they would be better off than the team that went to the conference title game and lost.

The pointy cows, who play A&M to end the regular season, must beat two Top 5 teams in three games in order to rally their way into the playoffs. That sounds like an unlikely proposition, when you realize that they've barely won their last two road games, against Kentucky and Mississippi State.

Before the Longhorns fell in last year's CFP semifinal against Notre Dame, their only two losses of the 2024 season were to Georgia, 30-15 during the regular season, and 22-19 in overtime in the SEC championship game. Their inability to run the ball on the Bulldogs was a decisive factor in both games, as they only accumulated a total of 60 rushing yards between them. Their ground game is their greatest liability again this season, contrary to what one would deduce from all the criticism of QB Arch Manning. Through nine games, the running backs have only carried the ball for a combined total of 884 yards and five touchdowns.

Now that deliberately giving up touchdowns is a common thing, how long is it until a team deliberately throws a game so it can go directly to the CFP without playing a conference championship game? It isn't whether you win or lose, but how much you feel like a genius.

Georgia 27, Texas 20

Boise State at San Diego State

The Aztecs were the Mountain West's last hope for a CFP bid until they hung a little too loose at Hawaii late last Saturday night. In the 38-6 shocker, they gave up more points than they had in any game this season, but that was mostly because their offense couldn't stay on the field. In the entire first half, they picked up only 75 total yards and three first downs.

BSU, which captured the group-of-five bid last year, can be ruled out of a return trip to the playoffs not only because they have three losses, but because one of those was a 34-7 bullying by American Conference contender South Florida. The best they can do at this point is to help spoil things for SDSU.

Of course, they are also playing for the lesser prize of home field advantage for the MWC championship game. The Broncos have hosted that game five times previously, winning four of those, while the Aztecs are 1-1 when playing the conference title game at home. The winner of this game will basically have it in the bag, because the head-to-head victory would give it a virtual two-game advantage in the standings.

Snapdragon Stadium lived by the sea, where it dropped out of society, and sold its body in exchange for hallucinogenic mushrooms. Don't you just love these hippie children's songs?

Boise State 23, San Diego State 15

Oklahoma at Alabama

The only highlight for OU in last year's SEC schedule was a thorough 24-3 thumping that ultimately eliminated the Crimson Tide from playoff contention. The Sooner defense stopped the Bama ground game for only 70 yards on 30 carries, and don't be so sure it can't happen again. Kalen DeBoer's club doesn't have a single rusher among the top 25 in the SEC this year, and as a team, they've got the third-fewest rushing yards in the conference.

Bama quarterback Ty Simpson could not be nicknamed the Doh!-boy as long as he continues to make so few mistakes. The first-year starter has now thrown 21 touchdown passes this season, to only one interception, back in Week 6 against Vanderbilt. Unfortunately, he needs to be that efficient in order to carry the second-worst ground game in the conference.

Sooner QB John Mateer matters more when he's a threat to run the ball, and he rushed for a season-high 80 yards with a touchdown in a critical 33-27 triumph at Tennessee. Last season at Washington State, he ran for a total of 862 yards and 15 TDs.

Now that these schools are conference rivals, this ought to be a trophy game. Perhaps they could play for a crown, and the winner could be declared King Crimson. That would be a dubious honor, however, considering that the band by that name chose it because it's a pseudonym for Beelzebub. Most Southern folk wouldn't take the same kind of pride in that.

Oklahoma 28, Alabama 26

TCU at Brigham Young

Perhaps the Cougars shouldn't want a rematch with Texas Tech after last week's 29-7 loss in Lubbock, but they could be back on course for one if they can handle the Horned Frogs. Then, next week's game at Cincinnati would basically be for a bid opposite TT in the title game. That is, unless they would somehow get upset in their regular season finale against Central No-Disrespect-Intended Florida.

The Horned Frogs were upset by undermanned Iowa State, despite having outgained the Cyclones 432-272. That offensive advantage was nullified by two interceptions, a fumble, two turnovers on downs, and a missed 25-yard field goal. At 6-3 overall, Texas Christian is now 3-3 in Big XII play, with the toughest three games of their conference schedule remaining, against BYU, Houston and Cincinnati.

Many have remarked about the peculiar first name of BYU quarterback Bear Bachmeier, but it pretty much has to be that way. He couldn't very well spell it "Bare" Bachmeier, could he? The last thing the Cougs need is another QB with an honor code violation.

Brigham Young 20, TCU 16

Virginia at Duke

Two ACC contenders try to dust themselves off after potentially deflating defeats. The Cavaliers suffered their first conference loss in a 16-9 slap fight with Wake Forest, while the Blue Devils came out on the wrong end of a 37-34 seesaw game against nonconference foe Uconn.

In that upset against Wake, Cavalier QB Chandler Morris left the game early with a head injury. Daniel Kaelin completed 18 of 28 in relief, but for only 145 yards. He is no relation to Kato Kaelin, as you can tell by his ability to get up off the bench. To this day, Kato only gets up off the couch long enough to answer DoorDash.

Weenie playoff contender alert: Duke is only in fifth place in the ACC, but they're only a half-game away from qualifying for the conference championship game, which of course would give them a shot at the CFP. This, in spite of losses in all three nonconference games against Division I-A opponents, for an overall record of 5-4.

If you think you spotted an error in that first paragraph, the College Football Czar admits he had to do a double-take, also. Yes, the Cavs were defeated by Nc State way back in Week 2, but that was not part of the ACC schedule. The two schools scheduled the game independently, for the sake of continuing the series. So, UVa could end up winning a tie-breaker for second place to go to the league championship game, even though they lost an additional game to a conference opponent. Yet another example of how college football games are becoming less meaningful all the time.

As for all the other errors you've spotted in the Czar's picks, those were in fact ironic witticisms. Got that?

Duke 31, Virginia 29

South Florida at Navy

Last week's 49-10 washout in South Bend doesn't hurt the Midshipmen in the American Conference race, which means it might not even put an end to their ambitions of playing in the CFP. That's because the group-of-five bid must go to a conference champion, and whoever wins the Mountain West probably won't be very highly regarded. The champions of the MAC and Conference USA stand no chance, which means that if anybody but James Madison wins the Sun Belt Conference, the winner of the American is in.

Of course, this is also welcome news for USF, which is among the four teams that trails the Naval Academy by half a game in the standings. Especially given the Bulls' blowout opening victory over Boise State, it would be almost inconceivable that if they won the conference, they wouldn't get the nod over the champion of the MWC.

Officially, the CFP bid would be issued on a quasi-objective basis, that being the teams' respective rankings in the CFP poll. But, of course, that is to be determined subjectively by the CFP commission. If the commission decides it prefers San Diego State because it has spiffy helmets, then all of a sudden, San Diego State will be ranked higher than South Florida. Seriously, though, if there is an obvious choice, the committee will not want to court controversy by exercising its power in that way.

The Middies are 5-0 in Annapolis this year, but the competition hasn't been nearly as tough as it will be this week. Their most recent home game was against eleven greasy guys in a speedboat.

South Florida 35, Navy 23

Nc State at Miami

The Wolfpack might not have wanted a week off after toppling Georgia Tech, 48-36 in Atlanta, before proceeding to another big ACC road game. One guy who might have needed a rest, however, is freshman RB Jayden Scott, who rushed for 196 yards and a touchdown on 24 carries.

Those 48 points that NCSU scored against the Yellowjackets were atypical, but the 36 they gave up were not. In their two previous games, the Pack had been slobberknocked by Notre Dame 36-7, and pulverized by Pitt 53-34. For the season, their defense is third-worst in the ACC, allowing 424.8 yards and 30.6 points per game.

In a 38-10 trouncing of Syracuse, Hurricane quarterback Carson Beck surpassed the 10,000-yard mark for his career, and also caught a 14-yard touchdown pass to open the scoring. The U has been fortunate to play enough pushovers to keep interrupting their traditional late-season swoon. Currently in seventh place with a league record of 3-2, they've probably got too many Atlantic Coast Carcasses to climb over to resuscitate their playoff chances. All they can do is win this week and see how many others fall past them.

This is the Canes' final home game of the season, and it's a 3:30 kickoff. Just as egg prices have become reasonable again, there are no more Moons Over My-Hammy. What a gyp.

Miami 42, Nc State 30

Kennesaw State at Jacksonville State

In a possible preview of the Conference USA championship game, the upstart Owls look to feast on Chicken Picasso when they swoop into Jacksonville, Alabama. KSU is officially bowl-ineligible on the basis that, in its second year of Division I-A competition, it is still a "transitional" program. This, of course, is completely arbitrary and stupid. This team belongs to a Division I-A conference. It plays against Division I-A opposition, with already enough victories to qualify for a bowl game. There'�s nothing transitional about that. When faced with this same controversy with regard to Jax State in 2023, the NCAA ended up issuing a dispensation for that program to play in the New Orleans Bowl, just to fill the vacancy. The College Football Czar expects the same thing to happen in this case.

The Gamecocks were supposed to be goners once Rich Rodriguez left them to return to West Virginia, but rookie head coach Charles Kelly has got them tied with K-State at 5-0 in the C-USA, and bowl-eligible with an overall record of 6-3. Playing a sparse home schedule, they are currently 3-0 at AmFirst Stadium, which is named after a credit union, and not after you-know-who.

If you're wondering why the College Football Czar refers to JSU as Chicken Picasso, try tuning in to Saturday night's game on ESPNU and getting an eyeful of that bird logo at midfield with the superfluous second head. This was painted during what is known as Pablo's I Meant To Do That Period. You know, just like his masterpiece, "Two Musicians and a Hamburglar."

Kennesaw State 33, Jacksonville State 31

Air Force at Uconn

The Conn Men had already wheedled their way to bowl eligibility, even before scoring their first quality win of the season, 37-34 over Duke a week ago. Their 7-3 record looks pretty impressive, until you realize that it includes losses to Delaware and Rice.

With an overall record of 3-6, the Falcons' postseason chances are flickering, but if they can hold off the Huskies, a home game against New Mexico and a short trip to rival Colorado State don't make a .500 finish seem so implausible. Last week, QB Liam Szarka led them past San Jose State 26-16, by rushing for two TDs and throwing for another.

Senior Husky quarterback Joe Fagnano is having an extraordinary season, with 25 touchdowns and no interceptions. If you don't hear of him, perhaps that's because if the home fans chanted his name, they'd all get thrown out of the stadium.

Well, not really. For the record, the "gn" in Fagnano's name is pronounced the same as it is in "lasagna." So, if anyone ever got ejected for cheering him on, it would probably be for throwing Funyuns on the field. But where else are you supposed to put them? Surely not in your mouth.

Uconn 44, Air Force 37

Michigan at Northwestern

It turns out the new stadium that's being constructed in Evansville will cost $862 million, the most ever for a college sports venue, but it will seat only 35,000. The College Football Czar had always gotten the impression that the people at NU were mathier than that.

Wolverine sophomore running back Jordan Marshall has rushed for over 100 yards for the first three times of his career in consecutive games against Washington, Michigan State and Purdue. He will be needed to keep up that level of play, because leading rusher Justice Haynes is out of the lineup indefinitely, following a foot injury in that MSU game.

The Wildcats (5-4, 3-3) are one win away from bowl eligibility, but their last three opponents (Michigan, Minnesota and Illinois) have a combined record of 19-8. They've already lost back-to-back games at Nebraska and USC since starting the season at 5-2.

This game is being played at Wrigley Field, where NU is 0-3 all-time, just in case anyone doubts they are the home team in that ballpark. Time to raise the "L" flag once again. You know defeat is ingrained in your team when you raise a banner to acknowledge it.

Michigan 13, Northwestern 3

Memphis at East Carolina

With last Friday's 38-32 loss to Tulane, the Tigers have tumbled all the way to sixth place in the American Conference, one game in the loss column behind ECU, among others. Their fourth-quarter comeback against the Green Wave was hindered by a worsening leg injury to prolific quarterback Brendon Lewis. Backup Arrington Maiden, a freshman who is almost exclusively a running threat, was ill-equipped to engineer a two-minute drive.

Because the Pirates have never contended for a CFP bid, it's easy to forget that they're in a four-way tie for second place in the American Conference, half a game behind Navy. Well, that and the fact that they have yet to defeat an opponent with a league record above 3-3. Last week, they beat the pieces of eight out of the Charlotte 49ers, 48-22.

If you break an 8 into two pieces, each of them will be 0. And to think everybody has soured on pennies. Compared to those, minting a coin that is literally worth nothing is far more wasteful. While we're at it, so are those Sacagawea dollars. Whatever jawea is, a sack of it can't possibly be worth as much as a buck.

Conversely, the ECU was Europe's electronic-only monetary unit, which was soon replaced by the hard currency unit known as the Euro. Memo to stadiums and arenas across America: going cashless turned out to be too obnoxious even for Europeans!

East Carolina 22, Memphis 17

Iowa at USC

In a driving rain against Oregon, an early safety on a bad punt snap proved decisive, as the Hawkeyes lost an outstanding game to UO, 18-16. Their defense duked it out with the Ducks, just as it had in a 20-15 defeat against Indiana in Week 5.

Usually an overrated, high-profile team, SC has sneaked its way into the playoff race with a record of 5-1 in the Big Ten and 7-2 overall. Lincoln Riley's team needs help to make it into the conference championship game because it plays neither Ohio State nor Indiana, nor do those teams play each other. With a win over a ranked opponent this week, however, a CFP at-large bid could be on the line when SC visits Oregon next Saturday.

Last Friday night, the Trojans pulled off a fake punt that caused a bit of controversy. Backup quarterback Sam Huard sneaked onto the field in punt formation wearing a #80 jersey, and he threw a completion to keep the go-ahead drive going for a 14-7 second-quarter lead. What made the play work, though, was the fact that their real punter, Sam Johnson, also wears #80. Because there is a rule against having two players with the same uniform number play the same position during a game, when Johnson went out to punt later in the game, it should have drawn a 15-yard penalty. If they were going to have Huard impersonate Johnson to pull of the fake, they should have had to carry out the charade for the entirety of the game.

But what about the fact that the real punter and the faux punter were both named Sam? What if Huard had run onto the field in a similar-looking jersey, say #89, and his teammates shouted things at him like, "Go out there and punt it a good one, Sam the punter!" This idea that you shouldn't be allowed to trick your opponent is really getting silly, considering that it's what you're trying to do on almost every play of the entire game.

USC 14, Iowa 10

Arizona at Cincinnati

Texas Tech's bruising of Brigham Young brings the Bearcats into a three-way tie with those teams atop the Big XII, with a conference record of 5-1. UC, like BYU, had been undefeated in league play until taking a bad beating last time out. In a 45-14 failure against Utah in Week 10, quarterback Brendan Sorsby was a sorspot, completing only 11 of 33 pass attempts.

Since joining their new conference at the start of last season, the Wildcats have not fared well on these eastern road trips. Earlier this season, they lost league games at Iowa State and Houston, and last year they got stomped at Kansas State and Central Florida. The last time they won a game east of San Antonio was in their 2010 opener at Toledo.

The Cats, who finished 4-8 a year ago, became bowl-eligible last week when running back Quincy Craig scored on a very late 24-yard touchdown run to beat Kansas, 24-20. With 49 seconds left, the U of A handed off, in an apparent effort to set up a tying field goal to force overtime. When Craig got the carry, he could not have found a Jayhawk tackler to run into if he had wanted to. Could it be that the KU-KU Pigeon Sisters deliberately gave up the lead with just over half a minute remaining, just so they could put their offense back on the field? Whether under orders from their coach or not, the defenders had clearly given up. Perhaps they just wanted the ball back so that they could cleverly score a safety against themselves on the last play of the game. Every genius is doing it, you know.

Cincinnati 39, Arizona 35

North Carolina at Wake Forest

Is Bill Belichick finding his footing in his first season as a college coach, or is it just that he has been stepping on the doormats of the ACC? Consecutive wins against Syracuse and Stanford have lifted UNC to a 4-5 overall mark, but they've beaten three teams with a combined record of 4-22, in addition to Division I-AA Richmond.

In hockey, a deke is a misdirectional maneuver that is used to pull an opposing goalie or defenseman out of position. Perhaps the Demon Deacons refer to their home in Winston-Salem as Deactown because it and a town called Wake Forest are in opposite directions from Chapel Hill, so the UNC bus won't know which way to go.

Either that, or it's because "Deac" is short for "Deacon." Nope, the College Football Czar doesn't buy that explanation. Too pat, too simple!

The Deacons, whose helmets used to resemble the logo for the old World Wrestling Federation, have become the Unpredictable Johnny Rodz of this college football season. A week after dealing SMU its only conference defeat, they got stomped by lowly Florida State 42-7, only to bounce back a week later to beat Virginia 16-9.

In reference to the obvious distraction that Belichick brought with him to his new job, the Czar has referred to the Tar Heels' hometown as the Chapel of Love. Now, he's making the short road trip to Winston-Salem to pick up a couple cigarettes. You know, for afterwards.

Wake Forest 20, North Carolina 13

Oregon State at Tulsa

How do you lose a game in which you've outgained your opponent 474-157? It helps to have an interim head coach who has no chance of landing the job on a permanent basis. In a 21-17 defeat against previously winless Sam Houston, Beaver du jour Robb Akey unsuccessfully went for a fourth-and-five in the third quarter, even though he could have added to his team's 17-14 lead with a 32-yard field goal attempt instead. After a blocked punt on the Beavs' next possession gave the Bearkats the lead, Akey did it again, going for a fourth-and-three when a chip shot would have pulled them within a point with more than four minutes to play. When OSU drove back to the 23-yard-line in the last minute of the game, a field goal was no longer an option. They had to go on fourth-and-five, and failed again. Those three turnovers on downs, combined with three more turnovers of the conventional variety, might have been terribly embarrassing if the late night game hadn't been hidden away on the Can't Watch Network.

Is it any wonder Mike "Varmint Head" Gundy got fired for losing to this Tulsa team? The Golden Hurricane have since lost five in a row, including last week's game in which they were blown out in the first half by the Burrowing Owls of Florida Atlantic. The 40-21 final dropped them into a last place tie in the American Conference with Charlotte, at 0-6.

The reputedly affable Akey didn't even seem to be mad during and after what is being called the worst loss in Oregon State history. He probably stores away all of his anger, because he needs it to slug anybody who walks up to him and sings that infernal Billy Ray Cyrus song.

Oregon State 11, Tulsa 8

The College Football Czar

a sports publication from The Shinbone