The Original College Football Czar

Week 10

Week nine in review: The rash of midseason firings continues to spread, and if you've been following along this most recent one won't surprise you a bit. Fourth-year coach Brian Kelly has been let go by LSU, after an embarrassing 49-25 loss to Texas A&M eliminated his team from contention, with an SEC record of 2-3. The former Notre Dame, Cincinnati and Central Michigan coach involuntarily moves on with a career Division I-A record of 145-61, although if you add his Division II record at Grand Valley State, he's only three victories short of the 300-mark. With the Tigers, he went 34-14, which sounds impressive, but both Fewer Miles and Ed the Ogre got bounced from Baton Rouge with better records. Besides, this is a program that's accustomed to contending for national championships, and this would have been Kelly's fourth consecutive year without taking his team to a New Year's Six bowl game. Running backs coach Frank Wilson, who had once been head coach at Texas-San Antonio for four years, takes over on an interim basis.

Although there were some zany games over the weekend, none of them did very much to disturb the rankings, with #18 South Florida being the highest-ranked team to get upset. Two SEC teams almost joined them, but Alabama scored two very late TDs to top South Carolina 29-22, and Texas rallied from 17 points down in the fourth quarter to escape Mississippi State, 45-38 in overtime.

Another unfortunate trend is that the College Football Czar remains mired in mediocrity, with a record of only 10-8 last week. He was especially perturbed by the outcome of the Memphis-South Florida game, because he had seen a final score reported of 31-24 USF, only to later find that the game hadn't been over yet, and that the Tigers came back to win, 34-31. For the season, the Czar is 103-73, for a .585 winning percentage.

Oct. 31

North Carolina at Syracuse

Grandpa Belichick isn't ready to cry UNC-le yet, even as his Tar Heels lost for the fourth time in a row. Last week's 17-16 overtime disappointment against first-place Virginia was easily their best effort to this point in the season. The coach went for two for the win in the first overtime, but running back Benjamin Hall was not quite able to swim his way down the sideline to break the plane of the goal line.

The head Heel cornily grouched about social media at this week's press conference, where he said, "I'm sure there's a lot of other people that want to get clicks and views and posts on 'myface' or whatever. It's just a bunch of garbage." Got that? He never wanted any of that kind of attention. When his young female companion posted pictures of the two of them cavorting on the beach on Instagram, that must have totally ticked him off. Next, he'll probably tell us the one about how he doesn't want to become a distraction to his team. He may be old, but he's really not much different from the young punk who gets tattoos all over his face, dyes his hair green, wears a chain connecting his nose ring with the one in his nipple, and walks around saying, "What're you lookin at?"

The Orange are 0-4 since losing quarterback Steve Angeli, and none of those games has been especially close. Sophomore Rickie Collins played pretty well at Georgia Tech last week, completing 17 of 29 for 224 yards and a TD, but to little avail in a 41-16 defeat.

Belichick has got a lot in common with the man on the opposing sideline. No, not SU coach Fran Brown. The mascot, Otto.

North Carolina 20, Syracuse 14

Nov. 1

Pitt at Stanford

The Panthers continued to pile on the points to win a 53-34 firefight with Nc State, but versatile running back Desmond Reid and leading receiver Kenny Johnson were both injured, and might not be available for this game. Freshman quarterback Mason Hentschel has been having discomfort in his throwing shoulder, but that didn't stop him from passing for 423 yards and three touchdowns.

At 3-5 overall, the Cardinal are already fighting for their postseason lives. If they can bump off the visitors from the Burgh, there's a good chance they can handle North Carolina and California in order to reach six wins before finishing the season against Notre Dame.

Former Oregon State QB Ben Gulbranson has only 8 TDs to 7 interceptions for the tree team, and it didn't go very well last week when he forced himself back from a knee injury. The preseason competition between him and redshirt Elijah Brown was considered to be close. Don't be surprised if interim coach Frank Reich finally makes a move.

Pitt could have been undefeated at this point, if not for some terribly undisciplined play in back-to-back losses to West Virginia (14 penalties) and Louisville (5 turnovers). What else would you expect from a team that crosses its T's but doesn't dot its I's.

Pitt 28, Stanford 17

Penn State at Ohio State

Before the season started, the story line for this game was going to be whether James Franklin could finally win the big one. Who knew that non-big ones like UCLA and Northwestern could matter so much? Oh, sorry, the College Football Czar forgot. Every game is the Super Bowl. Right, coach?

Buckeye QB Julian Sayin does all his talkin with his arm, which is a bit strange because he's not a ventriloquist. In his last four games, the sophomore slinger has thrown 11 touchdown passes and no interceptions. It helps that he has had typically great protection from a lumpy nuts offensive line that has allowed only three sacks all season.

Freshman Nittany Lion quarterback Ethan Grunkemeyer probably wanted to get grunk after his first career start, in which he passed for only 93 yards, 28 of which he gave back on one of his two interceptions. PSU piddled away a 21-10 second-half lead in a 25-24 loss to Iowa, to fall to 0-4 in Big Ten play.

You probably knew a kid who talked with his arm in high school. Well, not talked, exactly. More like mimicked the sound of a bottom burp, by cupping his hand under his armpit. The joke was on him in the end, because a bottom burp would have smelled better than his hand did by the time he was finished.

Ohio State 27, Penn State 10

West Virginia at Houston

Senior Cougar QB Conner Weigman recorded his first career 100-yard rushing game in a 24-16 win at Arizona State, a week after running for 98 yards to beat Arizona. UH, which does not have to play Brigham Young, Cincinnati or Utah in the regular season, could be closing in on a conference title game bid if they don't suffer a letdown.

It's taken eight games, but the Mountaineers have finally settled on a starting quarterback. In a tough 23-17 loss to TCU, Scotty Foxjr threw for 301 yards and two TDs, with nobody else taking any snaps. For the game, WVU only gained one yard fewer than the visitors from Fort Worth.

The College Football Czar expected the Cougs to contend this year, but only because they play such a weak schedule. Last week's upset of ASU was due in no small part to an injury to Sun Devil QB Sam Leavitt. In their only serious test, they were toasted by Texas Tech 35-11 in Week 6. Most damming among their victories was that they needed to rally late to beat the Oregon State Beavers in overtime.

Without Dana Holgorsen coaching either of these teams, it doesn't quite seem like Halloween.

West Virginia 30, Houston 28

Oklahoma at Tennessee

This SEC elimination game between teams with identical records (6-2, 2-2) features two of the most impactful QB transfers in the nation. Joey Aguilar leads the conference in passing yards, with only 272 fewer than Nico Iamaleava had for the Volunteers all of last season.

Sooner scrambler John Mateer was an excellent dual-threat for Washington State last season, but at OU, he hasn't rushed for more than 29 yards in a game since breaking a bone in his hand against Auburn in Week 4. In a 34-26 loss to Ole Miss, he kept the ball 13 times, gaining only 17 yards.

OU alumnus Josh Heupel, now the head coach at the School of Hard Knox, won his first game against his old school a year ago in Norman, 25-15. The Sooners were a little late that day, falling behind 22-3 in the fourth quarter before getting anything started on offense.

Everybody who goes to Knoxville complains about how annoying "Rocky Top" is, and how the Vols don't know the meaning of overkill. True enough, but have you ever read the lyrics of the Sooner fight song that the band plays after every first down? "Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, OK U!" Even Ruprecht can do better than that.

Tennessee 43, Oklahoma 40

Cincinnati at Utah

The Bearcats berried ("Yeesh!") the Baylor Bears 41-20, to remain tied with Brigham Young atop the Big XII. Quarterback Brenden Sorsby was the sors of only 111 passing yards, but he rushed for another 85, including a 23-yard touchdown to pull away in the fourth quarter.

Sorsby has 425 rushing yards this season, and senior tailback Tawee Walker has 466, so the loss of leading rusher Evan Pryor for this game is not as big a blow is it might sound. Pryor, who has rushed for 478 yards, is out with an ankle injury, but is hopeful to return next week against Arizona.

The Utes used longtime rival Colorado 53-7 late last Saturday night. Freshman quarterback Byrd Ficklin must not have done any finger lickin, because he held onto the ball to lead the team in rushing with 151 yards and a touchdown. He threw for two more scores, although he only completed 10 of 22. Injured starter Devon Dampier will probably return for this game.

Speaking of finger lickin, a lot of sports fans were wondering what Colonel Sanders was doing at last Saturday's World Series game in Toronto. Well, you didn't expect him to be a Yankees fan, did you?

Utah 23, Cincinnati 21

Vanderbilt at Texas

There'll be more hicks than you can shake a stick at, when Opryland invades Austin City Limits.

Don't look now, but the Longhorns still only have one loss in SEC play. Their excitement over that fact must be tempered by their having just tallied back-to-back three-point wins against opponents who are 0-for the conference. Maligned quarterback Arch Manning just threw for a career-high 346 yards in a 45-38 overtime victory at Mississippi State, but he was taken out of the game during the OT period and was put through the concussion protocol. As of this writing, he has rejoined the team in practice.

Facing a backup QB would be nothing new for the Commodores, who scored a 17-10 win against Missouri last week with Matt Zoellers behind center for the Tigers. Former Penn Stater Beau Pribula had injured an ankle when Vandy stopped him on a fourth-and-goal with the game tied.

It really isn't advisable to shake a stick at a hick. That was just an expression.

Texas 17, Vanderbilt 13

USC at Nebraska

The Trojans (5-2, 3-1) are one last-second Illinois field goal away from being tied with Indiana for first place in the Big Ten. They have lost two of their last three, however, most recently being defeated at Notre Dame, 34-24. They took the lead in that game late in the third quarter, but gave up a touchdown on the ensuing kickoff.

It sure doesn't seem like the Cornhuskers are 6-2, but they are, after scoring a late TD to turn away Northwestern, 28-21. It's the first time the N-men have become bowl-eligible before November since 2016. Contending for their first conference championship since 1999 will probably have to wait for another year.

Last season in Los Angeles, Southern Cal picked off a desperation Dylan Raiola pass in the end zone on the last play of the game, to put away a 28-20 victory. Since joining the Big Ten, however, SC is 1-4 in conference road games in the Midwest. That stat is a little deceptive, because their results have improved this season, with a 33-17 win at Purdue in Week 3, and that tough loss to the Illini two weeks later, 34-32.

The offensive coordinator for the Huskers is Dana Holgorsen. Eek!

USC 27, Nebraska 24

Texas Tech at Kansas State

The 7-1 Red Raiders had to resort to their third-string quarterback last week. Happily for them, they happened to be playing Oklahoma State, so they won 42-0 anyway. Promising freshman Will Hammond suffered a season-ending ACL injury, but original starter Behren Morton is expected to be back for this critical clash with K-State.

The Wildcats (4-4, 3-2) super-seeded Kansas in the battle of the Sunflower State, 42-17. Chris Klieman's defense recorded four sacks, two interceptions and two fumble recoveries, and stopped KU on 4 of 5 fourth-down conversion attempts.

Thanks to the increasingly incestuous relationship between sports and gambling, people are going to think Bill Snyder Family Stadium is owned by the mob. Doesn't the Genovese Family run Manhattan? Maybe someone otta pay dis Bill Snyder a visit.

The Mafia is a dee-funk-ed organization. Mr. Silvestri wouldn't lie to us.

Texas Tech 34, Kansas State 27

Miami at SMU

Curiously, these teams never met back in the Pony Express days, when one might have thought a bowl game between them to be inevitable. Their only previous game was a 7-3 Mustang victory, way back in 1965, long before either of them prematurely pioneered the pay-for-play model of college football.

The camouflage worked out better for the Hurricanes in last week's 42-7 romp over Stanford than it did at the Fiesta Bowl to end the 1986 season. Still, it didn't work that well. I mean, you could see them. With most of their ACC schedule still ahead of them, the Canes are currently in seventh place with a conference mark of 2-1.

Southern Methodist lost a regular-season conference game for the first time since joining the ACC at the beginning of last season. A week after avenging last year's conference championship game against Clemson, its offense took a dirt nap at Wake Forest, 13-12. Kevin Jennings had a season-low 171 passing yards, which was little enough to keep the Demon Deacons in the game so that they could win it on a last-second, 50-yard field goal.

The 1980s would have been a much happier time for football fans, had the Miami Hurricanes made succeeded in making themselves invisible.

Miami 30, SMU 25

Navy at North Texas

These teams have only met twice before, with the Midshipmen taking both games. One of those was a 27-24 tussle in Annapolis, in a conference game in 2023. The only other game they've played in Denton was a 74-62 shootout in 2007.

The schedule starts to toughen up for the 7-0 Middies, who don't have nearly as clear a path to the American Conference championship game as the once-beaten Mean Green do. The Naval Academy next faces Notre Dame, South Florida and Memphis before finishing against Army, whereas UNT doesn't figure to P-UNT very much against UAB and Rice, before finishing against an improved Temple team.

The Mean Green lead the nation in scoring with 46.1 points per game. In total yardage, they're #5, just ahead of Indiana, whom they lead by 1.3 yards per game. Since getting slobberknocked by South Florida in a Friday night game in Week 7, they have bounced back to blow out UTSA (55-17) and Charlotte (54-20).

It's a little-known fact that the reason green is mean is that it resents being a secondary color. There it stands in rope lines at schmantzy clubs, while blue and yellow barge right through, saying, "Don't you know who I am?"

North Texas 39, Navy 27

Duke at Clemson

Perhaps the biggest reason for the weakness of the ACC this season is that Dabo Swinney did absolutely nothing during the offseason to address his needs at running back. Leading Tiger trotter Adam Randall has been held to 30, 36 and 29 yards in his last three games. QB Cade Klubnik is their only other ball carrier who has rushed for more than 100 yards through seven games.

If you're going to challenge for a conference title, you can't spot the first-place team a 7-0 lead with a 95-yard fumble return, as the Blue devils did in a 27-18 setback against Georgia Tech in Week 8. With a conference record of 3-2, they have now been pushed to the brink of elimination.

Freshman Chris Vizzina was ot to blame for the Paw Boys' 35-24 defeat to SMU, as he threw for 317 yards and three TDs while filling in for Klubnik, who had been injured in the second half against Boston College. After an idle week, the senior starter should be ready to return.

Is a Klubnik somebody who klubs peaceniks? If so, then every university should have one.

Clemson 26, Duke 22

Army at Air Force

Although neither of these military academies has a winning record this season, they have both given a good account of themselves, putting up some inspiring scraps against the best teams among the group-of-five conferences. The Secretary of Splosions must be proud of them.

The Black Knights appeared to have the game in the bag against Tulane two weeks ago, but gave up two TDs in the last two minutes to lose in regulation time, 24-17. In their conference opener back in Week 4, they rallied to push North Texas to overtime before falling 45-38 in overtime.

The Lightning Eleven have lost to Navy and UNLV by only three points each, and they were in the game with Boise State all game until giving up a late score for a final of 49-37. In Week 8, the Falcons finally halted a five-game slide with a 24-21 victory over Wyoming.

The College Football Czar agrees wholeheartedly with Pete Hegseth about the need for our military men to be clean-cut and shaven. He just doesn't think a guy with greasy, gray skunk hair is the right messenger.

Air Force 45, Army 41

Louisville at Virginia Tech

The Cardinals have won six of their last seven road games, a streak that includes upsets of Miami in Week 8, and Clemson last November. Against the Hurricanes, they intercepted Carson Beck four times, and they followed up with three takeaways last week in a 38-24 win against Boston College.

Gobbler QB Kyron Drones must not be Iranian, because he hit the target for two touchdown passes to go a long with three TDs on the ground, in a 42-34 overtime triumph over California last Friday night. Drones rushed for 137 yards, while passing for 119 more. And he was intercepted, so maybe he was just a little Iranian, only it's a recessive trait.

One might think the Gobblers would have the advantage, being far bigger than cardinals. But there's an ancient proverb the College Football Czar is just making up now, which says don't tick off birds that have teeth.

Louisville 30, Virginia Tech 18

New Mexico at UNLV

The 6-1 Rebels return home to the crinkly carpet of Allegiant Stadium, two weeks after getting flattened in their big game at Boise State, 56-31. With a home game remaining against Hawaii, they wouldn't need much help to return to the Mountain West championship game if they could win out.

In a pivotal battle with Utah State, UNM held the ball for almost two thirds of the game, as it ground out a 33-14 victory to improve to 5-3. Linebacker Jaxton Eck, son of head coach Jason Eck (as if you couldn't have guessed), stopped a USU runner in the end zone for a safety late in the first half.

In that USU game, the Lobos wore turquoise jerseys, because New Mexico produces large quantities of turquoise. Vegas thought about doing the same thing, except that they couldn't figure out what color prostitution is.

New Mexico 35, UNLV 32

Wake Forest at Florida State

The Demon Deacons' 13-12 upset of SMU was not a thing of beauty as far as QB Deshawn Purdie was concerned. The sophomore, who has been the second-stringer for much of the season, gave up two interceptions and a fumble, in addition to a turnover on downs.

FSU has had a week off for QB Tommy Castellanos to recover from a vicious late hit in a 20-13 loss at Stanford. The senior BC transfer will probably be able to play; otherwise, it will be up to freshman Kevin Sperry to deliver the Seminoles their first ACC victory of the season.

Since the beginning of last season, the Noles are 1-11 in ACC games, which is a funny way to prove that they belonged in the CFP in 2023. They're still a dramatically improved team over last season, however, their four conference losses each being by eight points or fewer. Oh, and of course they manhandled Alabama in their opener.

Being a quarterback, it's okay for Kevin Sperry to be "too handsy."

Florida State 19, Wake Forest 10

Wyoming at San Diego State

The 6-1 Aztecs have given up fewer points than any team in the nation with the exception of Ohio State. Last week's 23-0 noggin-knocking of Fresno State was their third shutout of the season, to go along with a 6-3 win over Northern Illinois.

The Cowboys have dropped a couple donuts also, beating Akron 10-0 in their opener, and Colorado State 28-0 last Saturday. Against CSU, they intercepted three passes, and stopped the Rams on both of their fourth-down conversion attempts, and didn't give the ball back a single time.

Last season in Laramie, SDSU wide receiver Jordan Napier caught four passes for a season-high 91 yards and a touchdown, to help his team pull out a 27-24 victory over the Pokes. This season, Napier leads the team in receiving yards, having topped the 100-yard mark three times in the past five games.

The Aztecs enjoyed traveling to Wyoming. Lots of high places from which to throw people.

San Diego State 20, Wyoming 17

Delaware at Liberty

Most sports fans didn't know that the Fighting Blue Hens were playing major college football this season, so they've won four games to get people's attention. That turned out to be a much better idea than declaring a Del-Awareness Month.

The perennial Conference USA favorite Flames (3-4, 2-1) got back into the race last week, when they staved of a second-half charge by New Mexico State, 30-27. LU was outgained by the Aggies, and went minus-1 on turnovers, but escaped by the margin of a missed NMSU 47-yard field goal on the last play of the game.

Had Patrick Henry said, "Give me Delaware or give me death," which would you suppose he'd rather have?

Liberty 32, Delaware 26

The College Football Czar

a sports publication from The Shinbone